1. Chapter 1 (1/1)
in my boring attempt to follow the rules better, i've taken out the songfic part. but just imagine it's still in there, because… because!i wrote this just to see if i could, so while i'm sure i'll never write another, feel free to enjoy it or not.
"i'm sick of this!" came a shout from the other room.jigen sighed, dropping his newspaper to the floor. 'they're at it again.'"i'm sick of you!" came the response.this happened every job. not just the times fujiko betrayed them, every job.lupin and fujiko would fight over some mundane detail that went wrong, resulting in fujiko leaving one way or another.lupin would shut himself in his room for days, refusing to speak until fujiko decided to forgive him.in the end, everything remained the same. lupin always took her back with a grin and some childish, perverted joke, and jigen couldn't do a thing.jigen hated it. he hated that no matter the reason, fujiko was never at fault. that she'd always "generously" forgive him, no matter what pain she caused.but that was what jigen hated most of all, seeing lupin in pain.lupin never knew how jigen looked at him, the way jigen felt about him. jigen would never let him know.
"wait, i didn't mean it," lupin chased after her down the hall, trying to reach for her to hold her back."just like you never mean it, right?" she snapped in disgust."i overreacted, i'm sorry!"fujiko slipped into her coat, dashing out the door without another word.lupin stood at the open door and watched, fighting back tears. he didn't know why it hurt so much to watch her leave.he always thought maybe it was his conscience, reminding him of how much her was hurting her. and he always tried to convince himself he didn't care.men aren't supposed to feel bad. men aren't supposed to have feelings. especially not the kinds of feelings he had.
lupin sunk in his bed, hanging his head in self-loathing.he had done it again. he fucked up.though jigen hadn't noticed a change, calling her names as always, he had.fujiko rarely went against them anymore, only doing it when she was beyond anger. afterwards, she'd always be in tears asking him for forgiveness, and he'd have to.even when he said something too
utal to imagine, she'd always run back.it was a side of fujiko nobody else ever saw, but a side showing itself more and more every time.lupin wiped the tears from his eyes. it twisted his stomach just thinking about it."lupin," fujiko sat next to him, clinging onto him, again."fujiko," he
ushed the hair out of her face gently. "i'm sorry.""i love you," she whispered in a cracked, tired voice, burying her head in his neck."i love you too."he always forced himself to say it, even if he knew those words had lost meaning long ago.
lupin tossed a backpack at jigen, waking him up instantly."what the hell?""you're packed. let's go."jigen threw his legs over the bed, looking down at the bags on the floor."don't tell me we're leaving just because of fujiko.""no, we're leaving because i want to. hurry the hell up or i'll leave without you.""but what about-""we can get whatever we want any place else. besides, i don't want to see that woman ever again.""you say that now," jigen growled. he wanted to tell lupin off, but knew he couldn't.lupin crossed his arms, going back into his room one last time.he fell to his knees,
inging his hand over his face. 'i'm sorry, fujiko.'
jigen sat on the stool next to lupin. he couldn't sit back and watch anymore.he sighed, unsure of what to say. he wanted to ask if lupin was okay, but he already knew the answer.it had been weeks, and lupin showed no plans to go back, but he'd only drink away his miseries in his private bar."you... didn't make it yesterday.""i know."the two sat in mind-numbing silence.lupin stared blankly at the wall across from him, tears trickling down his pale face."she loved me," he mumbled into space."fuji-" jigen stopped himself. he didn't want to say something that would make it worse, and knew what he wanted to say would."she l-loved me..." he repeated, struggling to speak."then why did you leave?" jigen hated her more than anyone, and could think of hundreds of reasons to leave, but it just didn't seem like lupin."because i didn't love her," he glued his eyes to his hands, trembling with every word."what?" jigen was startled with worry. that was the last thing he ever expected lupin to say."i-i... i held onto her because she was the only woman that would stay. i tried. i tried... but i couldn't take it, that look in her eyes."jigen scowled, becoming annoyed. "but why? why did you try? she betrayed us, she tried to kill us. she's a despicable woman!"lupin shook his head, clenching his eyes shut. "she isn't. you didn't see what i saw, she was like a different person.""so... you stayed with her because she loved you?" jigen glared in confusion. he could never believe what fujiko did was anything but an act, but what he was hearing didn't make sense."i used her. i wanted to make myself normal.""what-""i've never loved a woman. i can't. the only person i've ever loved was you."lupin's eyes widened in shock at what he had let slip. he mentally cursed himself for ruining what he had worked so hard to keep secret.he kept his eyes down awkwardly, wondering if jigen was still there. at least, he wished jigen had left."do you mean that?"the unexpected comment only made lupin more afraid of what jigen might do next."i'm sorry, i never meant to say that! i... just leave, i know you don't-" he stopped to catch his
eath, mind racing at a million miles a minute."no," jigen lifted lupin's chin, caught in his gaze. "i love you too."