1. Chapter 1 (1/1)

yes, i'm ridiculous. deal with it.

disclaimer: i don't own any of the canon characters or settings in this story. i do, however, own the bear (figuratively speaking).

mr cuddles ii didn't like the tall, curly haired vampire with the stern expression. it wasn't because he spoke too quietly for the stuffed monkey to hear, or because vlad had hidden his toy away behind a stack of books the first few times the other vampire had visited. those things bothered mr cuddles, of course, but they weren't the main reason he didn't like him.

no, the main reason was that he was taking the monkey's place. it was his job to make vlad feel safe and comfortable, it was his job to cuddle with him, and it was his job to keep guard beside him as he slept. now the tall one – bertrand, vlad called him – was doing all those things instead, increasingly often, and mr cuddles was left on a shelf, staring at the wallpaper on the other side of the room while his master and this... bertrand... murmured about training and protocol and romance and politics.

for months, this went on, until one night vlad noticed something mr cuddles had been hoping he wouldn't."bertrand, you stay here almost every day lately. d'you want to just... i mean, you don't have to, but you could move your stuff up here?" that was it, mr cuddles was sure. he would be packed off to a car boot sale or a children's hospital and he would never get a cuddle from vlad ever again. he stared glumly at the wallpaper as the tall one nodded and vlad wrapped his arms around him. that was the 4,675th hug from vlad he'd seen bertrand steal – after all, all vlad's hugs were automatically the rightful property of one mr cuddles ii – not that he was counting, of course.

bertrand disappeared and returned with a small suitcase – no doubt to dispose of unwanted monkeys in. vlad stared at him for a moment, no doubt admiring whatever it was about him that made him so much better to cuddle than the toy who'd spent his entire existence getting really good at hugs. it wasn't the stuffing, mr cuddles was sure – he was far plushier than this bertrand creature, who looked to be mostly bones and muscle. then the young vampire mr cuddles had sworn to look after disappeared, leaving the taller one in the room alone.

this was it, the monkey realised – this was the end of life as he knew it. bertrand would sweep him carelessly into the suitcase and leave him on the doorstep of a charity shop. he would never see vlad again. but no – bertrand was just awkwardly standing with his suitcase, staring at the door as if he was trying to see vlad through it. then the boy had returned, a teddy bear clutched triumphantly in one hand. this was worse than he'd feared – he was being replaced – and for a moment mr cuddles ii felt a surge of gratitude towards the taller vampire, who was now complaining, presumably on the monkey's behalf.

vlad simply dodged bertrand's grab for the toy, and made his way over to mr cuddles' shelf. was the shelf about to be taken from him, too? it was too humiliating, to be deprived of even the comfort of a shelf. but no, the teddy bear was placed carefully next to him, and vlad glanced over his shoulder to where the tall vampire was pretending not to watch his movements before angling the two toys to face each other a little more.

hello, said the bear. i'm auldearn. is that your boy, the one who's been stealing my cuddles?

the stuffed monkey regarded the ancient bear thoughtfully for a moment.yes, he's mine. is it your boy who's been stealing mine?

auldearn gazed across the room at the two vampires, now once again wrapped in each other's arms.i think we might have to share them both.

mr cuddles ii thought about that. it didn't seem such a terrible prospect, now he had someone new to keep him company.yes. we can do that.