1. Chapter 1 (1/2)

hello everyone, this is a gift fic for nick7745 as part of the gift giving extravaganza 2021, so i hope you enjoy it. thank you to my alphabeta team art3misia and theonlyceeceej for helping me with this. i do not own any rights to harry potter; they belong to j.k. rowling.

"no one asked for your opinion, you filthy, little mudblood."

the words shot from draco's mouth like a bullet from a gun, aimed straight at its victim's unguarded heart. his grey eyes narrowed as he'd sneered, his voice dripping with venom.

draco knew he should have felt pleased with himself for his remark, but seeing granger's face pale and her eyes glisten with sparkling diamonds that were unshed tears, all he felt was an aching hollowness inside.

what have i just done?

his father would have been practically overjoyed had he seen the scene play out, for his son to have become an exact replica of himself, yet, at that moment draco didn't know who he was anymore.

who am i?

he wanted to take the words back, apologise to her, but he couldn't. the guilt and shame ate at him, his stomach twisting into a knot that he couldn't undo. it was as if a snake was tightening its grip on its prey, squeezing the life from it.

he watched, helpless, ignoring the laughs from his friends as hermione ran from the courtyard, her school robes flowing around her like a makeshift shield - not that it would do any good now, the damage was done. he didn't blame her for leaving, all he wanted was to find a quiet, secluded place where he could be alone. he knew his plan had been scuppered the moment the weasley twins, who were followed closely behind by their little

other and of course potter, stormed over, fury in the lines of their faces while it blazed in their eyes too.

one minute he was stood with his peers, the next fred had pushed through the throng, and punched him hard enough that he heard the sickening crunch of his nose being

oken, blood spurting all over like a geyser erupting. from the look on weasley's face, draco knew he wasn't finished and yet he wasn't about to stop him, he deserved this.

he was thrown against the rough, cold stone wall, the a

asiveness of it rubbing uncomfortably against his clothes, while he felt the pressure of a wand against his pale, alabaster throat.

"you little bastard! you just don't know when to stop, do you?" fred seethed, pressing the wand harder against draco's throat.

"no, i guess i don't," draco said so quietly that it may as well have been a whisper. he held the older boy's gaze, knowing full well that he would be able to see the guilt and sadness at what he'd done in his grey eyes. "hurt me if you must, i won't stop you. it's what i deserve."

fred seemed taken aback by the confession, if the confusion in his russet

own eyes was anything to go by. before he could do anything else, however, he was yanked away from draco by professor snape. his usually dour features were furious as were those of his colleague professor mcgonagall.

"whatever is the meaning of this?" she demanded in her scottish lilt, while professor snape looked at draco with a mix of disappointment and shock, perhaps at the fact that he hadn't fought back against his attacker.

"that…" fred bit back what he wanted to say due to a warning look from his twin who shook his head slowly, before changing tack. "malfoy called hermione a mudblood, professor." the disgust and hatred he had for the blond was clear in his voice.

"so, you thought you'd take it upon yourself to mete out justice?" snape said, his usually bored monotonous voice cold, his onyx black eyes narrow and sharp like a hawk.

"he deserved it," fred stated adamantly, glaring at malfoy.

"ten points will be deducted from both houses," mcgonagall announced with an air of authority. "i will not condone violence or that kind of derogatory language in this school."

"malfoy, come with me," snape stated, before turning and leaving the courtyard, his black robes billowing behind him like darkness itself that he'd harnessed.

seeing the blood on his white shirt, he cast a quick tergeo to rid the material of the unwanted substance before turning his wand to his nose and casting episkey, wincing as the bones realigned. he knew what was to come but followed his head of house and godfather from the courtyard into the school, to the dungeons.

when they reached the dungeons, he didn't know whether to be grateful for the silence, the only noise their footsteps reverberating off the stone walls; or whether he should fear it, like a cage holding him, with no chance of escape.

his palms were sweaty, he supposed from nerves but he wasn't sure, nevertheless he wiped them on his trousers before entering snape's office.

though small, it was warm from the fire that burned in the hearth and there were faint scents of a variety of ingredients on the air, but he couldn't discern what they all were as they seemed to be mixed together. it wasn't an off-putting smell. on the contrary, it made the office smell fresh and clean. in the room off to the left, the door ajar, he could hear the steady bubbling and hissing of a cauldron at work.

"sit down, draco."

he did as he was told, dropping his school bag at his feet. he sat down in the olive faux leather chair, his hands on the beech arms, feeling the roughness and the grooves in the wood that had clearly come with age. draco looked at the raven-haired professor head on.

"if you're about to ask me why i didn't fight back…" the rest of what draco was going to say fell away into silence when snape raised his hand to stop him from continuing.

"that isn't the question i was going to ask, draco," severus said, tired, his eyes studying the boy before him slowly, his fingers templed on the desk as he contemplated something.

"why? why call miss granger what you did?"

ah, there it was. of course he'd want to know and it hurt draco even to answer. "i… it just came out unbidden. i took no joy from sounding like him… my father. the moment i saw her face crumple, the light dim from her eyes… i wish i could take it back even now. i hate myself for what i did," he said, averting his gaze, looking anywhere but at his godfather.

severus could see the self-loathing in draco as clear as day, it was in his eyes. he sighed, wanting to reach out to him. he knew he couldn't physically, that draco would shy away from the contact, but perhaps he could help in what he said. he could see that draco liked granger, even though he may not admit it, for fear of his parents finding out.

"you don't have to be your father's son, draco. you may come from a high standing pureblood family, but that doesn't mean you can't carve your own path and have different friends, ones you choose, instead of ones you've grown up with."

"but even if i apologise, i don't think she'll forgive me or, for that matter, want to be acquainted with me. not that i blame her," draco replied, his shoulders slumped in a defeated pose. he hadn't even attempted to try and speak to the girl yet. it was as if he'd already given up.

"you don't know that unless you try, which is what i suggest you do. merlin knows i regret not taking the chance to make things right with one of my friends every day, and i have to live with that knowledge, but you don't. we both know it's saturday and she's bound to go to the li

ary at some point, she'll be without them i'm sure."