14. Interlude: Lost Inside Myself (1/1)

interlude

lost inside myself

she didn't even know her own name anymore.

it had been ages; the time passing had been the first thing to go. her name was a recent phenomenon, but there had been many things in between. from where she was from to what her own family looked like. all that remained were two rooms. one in which she was expected to rest, and the other in which she was strapped down and subjected to any number of experiences. no wonder she didn't know herself anymore.

she probably knew more about the other girl in the room. it wasn't always the same though. some days the girl was younger than she felt herself, and others the girl could be old enough that it was a surprise the girl was still alive. today was an older day, but only by a few years, putting her in her twenties. the other woman was also….looking back at her funnily. it was difficult to tell why the way she was being looked at poked her in some way.

she looked away, unable to keep the stare up any longer. the rest room always had two occupants. when one was taken to someplace else, the other was too. but she had never ended up in the same place as her partner, nor was the person placed with her later the same age. the one exception to this pattern came when suddenly her partner burst into flames. that was a confusing time, as there was light, pain, darkness and next she knew she was alone. ever since she had a fear of her partner bursting into flame.

this time in the safe room seemed somehow longer than usual, but it was impossible to tell. she was sleeping fitfully, not really succeeding in any rest at all. her partner didn't seem to be trying to sleep at all, instead wearing a semi-vacant stare towards the other corner of the room. with no warning nor precedent, her partner changed the pattern of their captivity with a single spoken word. "emily."

head snapping up to regard her partner, she found that the stare had become intense, no longer only partially paying attention. "what?" she croaked with her ill-used voice.

"emily. it's my name. i just remembered," the partner said, before lapsing into silence once again. it was the first time that she had remembered her partner – emily – speaking at all. there was a pregnant pause before she laid herself back down onto the cold stone floor that would leave her sore once again, but at least she'd have some sleep. even if the sleep she got here was never as restful as she would like, she felt slightly better after having slept than trying to keep awake.

she did think about her name to see if she couldn't come up with it as her partner had. she did remember at one point knowing her name as well, before losing her own. now she could easily remember emily mentioning it this particular rest period, though it was a vague notion that she had known it before, not a memory that told her that she had known the name as well as her own. but it had been lost some indeterminate time before she had lost her own.

in that place between waking and sleeping, she vaguely heard emily muttering her own name over and over. apparently the same issue had come to emily and she had remembered her own name with some thought to it. thinking that perhaps this was something for herself to try, something to remember that would let her keep her own mind, she sat up stretching out the kinks that had found their way into her body in just that short time on the cold stone floor.

she caught herself staring at emily after a short while when her partner met her gaze, perhaps feeling it upon her. emily was still muttering to herself, though quieter, leaving her partner to her musings upon her forgotten name. a fear came to her suddenly, and she found herself lost in it very quickly. what if it had been too long? was her name still hidden among the confines of her just barely sane mind? was there some dark portion that hid her secrets, or were her secrets no longer with her? what if she was lost? forever?

she gave into the power of her fear and began to cry as silently as she could as to not disturb her partner. she had been in this place for far too long. she didn't know how much more that she could take, only that she didn't want to. only that she wanted whatever it was that she had beforehand back. she wanted something that she could not have so strongly that her whole body shook with the power of her sweeping feelings. her fear and want coursed through her with such force that she was unable to do anything but ride it out.

her sobbing was easily audible now, and she decided that it was a lost cause and let her restraint, as much as she had successfully conjured, go. she

ought her hands to her face to hide herself from her partner, who was so obviously doing better at this captivity than she was. weak as she was, all she could do was continue to sob into her heavily scarred palms. she was about to begin wailing her grief for herself when she felt a presence by her side. she looked up to find emily, blurry though definitely next to her. she felt a hand try to give her slight comfort by rubbing her arm.

giving in to a sudden urge, she launched herself at her partner's body and was easily caught and held gently. she sobbed into her chest for an indeterminate amount of time. just like everything else that had happened in this room, time was impossible to determine. however, there was a difference with this one. the amount of time that she was in emily's arms felt just right. when she was out of tears, the two young women were seated next to each other instead of across the room.

"they can't keep us forever," emily said after an unknown period. though emily's partner made a disbelieving, though watery, sniff, emily took her by the shoulders and made her look into her eyes. "they will make a mistake. and when they do, we will get out of here. together." the fierce look in emily's eyes spoke volumes more than her words ever could. it was this and not the words that made a small portion of her partner's

oken mind rekindle its flame. finally, she recovered the bits of sanity that she had been clinging to until she had

oken down due to the stress of the situation. she was back.

she still didn't know her name, but she figured that there would be ample time for that later. she was back.