1. Chapter 1 (1/1)

i know part 1/1 pg (for light swearing) by elisabeth james [email protected] this is a songfic based off the fiona apple song "iknow" the lyrics just jumped out at me and compelled me towrite. so enjoy and please send feedback, i haven't writtenanything in awhile and i am going through withdrawal :) a very special thanks to lelu who helped me think of aplot to this wonderful piece of music disclaimer: i don't own sailor moon or "i know" ~so be it, i'm your crowbarif that's what i am so faruntil you get out of this mess~ they shared a silent look, a gaze that possessedunderlying motives that no one around them would haveunderstood. her pale blue eyes wordlessly pleaded with him tocomprehend her desperate need for secrecy. she licked her lips,trying to find the words she needed to say to the dark hairedgentleman before her. "please mamoru-san, don't tell anyone..." he looked back at the girl before him, her pale skinglowed as the setting sun guilded her with it's last rays of light. he had thought he had known her, had her all figured out. shewas a klutz, a ditz, a crybaby, nothing more. how had he neverknown that she was strong and

ave? caring and kind? shewas the soul who guarded tokyo at night. she was sailormoon. how had he overlooked these things in her petite form? she was the girl he had rescued from many battles. shehad clung tightly to him when she was terrified, her warm bodypressed up against his in moments of desperation. she was the warrior he loved. her golden tiara caught the light cast off from the sinkingrays of the sun and

oke him free from the trance that had heldhim from the moment he had watched usagi transform intosailormoon. she had noticed him only seconds lately and hadmarched right up to him, begging for his silence. he placed his hands on her shoulders, and tried to smile,"i would never dream of telling anyone, your secret it safe withme." she impulsively threw her arms around his neck in anawkward hug, "thank you. i have to go." in a flash she wasgone, rushing off into the fray. there was no more time for him to think about what hehad learned, because he too needed to go. in a twirl of black andred, tuxedo kamen rushed off in the same direction assailormoon. ~and i will pretendthat i don't know of your sinsuntil you are ready to confess~ high fives were exchanged as the girls gathered around apile of ash that had once been a youma, a man in black watchedfrom a distance as they cele

ated their victory, high off theadrenaline pumping through their veins. he kept his thoughtful midnight blue eyes focused on theenigma in blue and red. how many people knew both sides ofher? could he be the only one, the solitary being to see both thedarkness and the light of her personality? he unconsciouslyleaned forward to see her better, taking in the similaritiesbetween the superheroine and her everyday identity. every gesture, every look, every hair toss was the same,all of them became engraved in his mind, criticizing him for notseeing it sooner. or was it because he didn't want to see itsooner? his

ain hurt with the overload of information that waspounding through it. had he chosen to overlook the resemblancebecause he cared about one facet of her but could barely standthe other? mamoru inched forward again, as if her face might revealthe truth in his heart to him. he inhaled deeply, trying to get agrip on his emotions. he watched as she started toward herhome, the moonlight caught the strands of her cornsilk hair andher face looked more heavenly than ever, beckoning for him tocome closer. mamoru shook the thoughts from his head quickly, hewouldn't get involved at tuxedo kamen but he would sure ashell to get involved at chiba mamoru. but not until after a goodnight's sleep ~but all the time, all the timei'll know, i'll know~ "one chocolate shake please!" he recognized her sweetvoice the second he heard it. his eyes regarded her carefully ashe watched her from across the arcade. he had chosen a boothnear the back to make sure she wouldn't notice him and leavethe second she spotted him at the front counter. "you're in an awfully good mood usagi." mamoruwatched as his best friend, motoki, flash usagi a toothy grin. apang of jealously seared though him and then disappeared butnot before making mamoru extremely uncomfortable in theprocess. usagi giggled softly in reply, "i guess i am, there's just somany things to be happy about." inside, however, she wasn't asbubbly, she was praying that mamoru wouldn't show up whileshe was here, she couldn't bear to face him after yesterday. shehad stood there, pleading, no begging, for him to keep her secret. mamoru had said he would, and she believed him. but still, shewas at the mercy of her worst enemy, who know what he coulddo with such information. he watched motoki slid the tall glass in front of theyoung girl and studied the conversation that followed, herlaughter floated across the room igniting strange emotions inhim. "damn it mamoru, pull yourself together, you never usedto be like this around her, nothing's changed." he whispered tohimself. but things had changed, she was no longer just a childbut a warrior, and the one he swore always to protect. his handsbunched up into fists involuntarily, this whole situation, all of hisnew feelings were all usagi's fault. the logic made sense tomamoru, she should have been more careful, and found a betterplace to hide when transforming so they wouldn't be in thismess. with a new resolve he rose from his seat and startedtoward her, determined to work everything out.~and you can use my skinto bury secrets in~ "usagi-san can i speak to you for a moment?" mamoru'stone was curt and took the young girl by surprise. she spunaround and plastered a big smile on her face to cover up hernervousness. "of course mamoru-san." her nerves were on edgeimmediately after she heard his smooth voice interrupt her andmotoki's lighthearted banter. the voice inside her head wasscreaming for her to run, to remove herself from the situation. "how about we take a little walk and enjoy the fresh air."his gaze was boring into her, turning her insides to jelly. shesmiled

iefly at motoki who was watching them in silence andshe pushed the empty shake glass toward him. she rose slowly,prolonging her stay in the safety of motoki's presence for as longas possible. "i'll talk to you later motoki." usagi stiffened asmamoru's hand settled on the swell of her back, guiding hertoward the door. he knew exactly what she was doing andlonger it took to get out what he wanted to say, the more unsureabout everything he became.~and i will settle you downand at my own suggestion,i will ask no questionswhile i do my thing in the background~ they meandered their way down the street, in silence. mamoru was slowly starting to cool down, he didn't know howshe managed to get under his skin without even saying a word. they turned down the same alley that he had caught her inyesterday - it seemed like a fitting place for their discussion. "so what do you want to talk about mamoru-san?" shekept up the facade of stupidity, praying that maybe by somestroke of luck he just wanted a friendly conversation. she almostlaughed out loud at her own ignorance as she realized howunlikely that would be. "you know usagi, don't play stupid with me." hestopped, all pretenses of friendship between them disappearedthe instant he looked at her with his cold blue eyes. she saw theanger in their depths and reacted the only way she knew how. she lashed out with anger of her own. without so much as a word from mamoru, usagilaunched into an argument, "you're angry at me, i can see it inyour eyes! i can't believe your arrogance! what possible reasondo you have to be upset with me?" she exploded at him withoutany real warning and mamoru felt his argument fade away as hewas suddenly lost in her angry gaze. in a timid voice that sounded far away as the bloodrushed past his ear, he answered her, "it's your fault." hewatched her eyes widen as she listened to his messed up answer. "what's my fault mamoru? i never asked you to followme into that alley, i never wanted to show you the other side ofme. how dare you have the gall to blame me for this mess!" a fresh wave of anger rolled in to replace the one thathad just dissipated, "how was i supposed to know a klutz likeyou would be the guardian of tokyo? you should have beenmore careful about transforming in

oad daylight where anyonecould see! you're lucky it's me who saw you, i'm willing tokeep it a secret, don't ask me why though." her mouth fell open,her cheeks flushed with a becoming rose color. she reeled backas if she had been slapped across the face. "you asshole!" she didn't bother to wipe away the tearsthat rolled down her cheeks. she turned to run, wanting with allof her heart to get away from him and his hurtful words. butbefore she could move, mamoru's warm arms were around herpulling her closer to him, filling her with contradictions. andshe wept into his jacket, every sob representing the anguish inher heart. ~but all the time, all the timei'll know, i'll know~ mamoru's fingers glided through her silky hair, thefeeling of guilt ate away at him. he had sworn to protect her, tonever let anything hurt her. but he couldn't save her from hisown callous words. he had this urge to defend the angel in hisarms in either form. he couldn't explain the feelings that circulating aroundinside him. they were indescribable, things he had never feltbefore. he had fought them since the moment he had seen hertransform. and with a deep

eath, mamoru stopped wrestling,with what he felt for the first time and he let the torrid wave ofemotions wash over him. "what have you done to me usagi?" his soft wordsseemed to

eak the spell holding them both hostage. shestiffened up under his gentle touch and struggled slightly to pullfree. mamoru relinquished his grip and she took a step back,still visibly shaken. usagi couldn't find the courage to look him in the eye, soshe focused on the ground. she spoke softly, every wordshattered another piece of mamoru's heart. "no one knows howit feels, to have that much pressure on your shoulders all thetime, crushing down on you. it's almost unbearable and it'slonely, so so lonely. the other senshi don't know how i feel,i've never burdened them with my problems. so i keepeverything inside," she placed her hand over her heart, "hereuntil the pain becomes intolerable." he didn't say a word in response, he didn't know how toreply to her heartfelt words.~baby-i can't help you out, while she's still aroundso for the time being, i'm being patientand amidst this bitternessif you'll just consider this-even if it don't make senseall the time-give it time~ mamoru had never considered that she had never hadanyone to turn to, she was always surrounded by friends. usagihad always seemed happy around him, he never would haveguessed she felt such pain at times. he was used to having noone to turn to, being on his own was second nature to him. heopened his mouth, hoping that the words to comfort her wouldcome automatically. he was in no condition to phrase what hewas feeling at that moment into words. a rapid beeping interrupted his thoughts as usagisnapped open her watch. "yes, where is it this time?" her voicewas still clogged with tears, but the girl on the screen paid noattention. rei's impatient voice answered back, "across town, atthe museum. do you know where that is?" usagi noddedslightly, "i'll be right there." she ended the conversation asquickly as it had begun. "i have to go mamoru. duty calls." a semi-smile creptupon her lips, showing that she would survive. "of course, i couldn't keep you from your obligations asthe protector of this fair city." he took a step back and watchedas a flash of light engulfed her tiny body. when it faded away,sailormoon stood in her place. "i'll talk to you later mamoru." she turned to leave, whenhe reached out and grabbed her arm.~and when the crowd becomes your burdenand you've early closed your curtains,i'll wait by the backstage doorwhile you try to find the lines to speak your mindand pry it open, hoping for an encore~ sailormoon's eyes stared into his quizzically. a newwarmth was surfacing in mamoru's eyes, and she feltlightheaded at the thought that she might be the one to inspiresuch intensity in the cold young man. he closed his eyes and went with the words in his heart,"i just wanted to tell you before you left, you're not aloneanymore. i'm here, a-and i'm more than willing to listen if youneed someone to talk to. or even a shoulder to cry on..." hetrailed off, finding the words harder to say as he went on. "thatis if you think we could ever be friends..." she touched his shoulder gently, touched by his concernand his truce. "i would like that very much mamoru, i think i'lltake you up on your offer." on impulse, she kissed him quicklyon the cheek, ignoring the dizzying effect touching him had onher. with a jaunty wave, she disappeared, swallowed up into thecity streets. he raked a hand through his hair, reliving what had justtaken place. a smile spread across his face as he touched hischeek where she had kissed him. that's when he knew he lovedher. ~and if it gets too late, for me to waitfor you to find you love me, and tell me soit's ok, don't need to say it. ~ ~fin.~ soooooooooooooooooo... what did everyone think? havei lost my touch? is this hopelessly bad? was it really good? you guys tell me :) [email protected] drop me a line with a comment, praise or a flame. butkeep in mind, i cry easily :) e-mail me! e-mail me! e-mail me!liz-chan