1. Chapter 1 (1/1)

ritsuka sat in silence, thinking. he was now his fighter's 'lover'. as much as he wished it was a relationship of the purest of love, it simply wasn't. it was purely sexual. after another

oken relationship, ritsuka had started talking to soubi often again, in fact, it was his fighter that gave him courage and helped him

eak off the last relationship with his advice. it's been a few months after soubi's separation from his

other. both ritsuka and his fighter were now single, yet love seemed to hide in their hearts quite deeply. in ritsuka's case, he had suppressed it unknowingly. and for him, soubi's heart has struck the wrong chord once again.

he believed that he had feelings for his best friend kio. as before, ritsuka had shut his mouth again. he was not one to talk. after all, how many more guys and girls had he gone through in the midst of the confusion he had for his feelings for soubi? ritsuka knew there was something he felt for his fighter and he was sure it used to be love. now, he isn't so sure. yet, how come he would only let soubi kiss him and touch him? sure they had that sorta history and none of them could deny that. but soubi always had a special place in his heart and they both agreed on the fact that there was always something between them. something. a bond, connection, as deep as scars left for life.

his fighter's feelings for kio were muddled and unclear, so ritsuka did what he could do. he jumped at the chance. he asked soubi if he could teach him to be better at sex. as embarrassing as it was to admit, ritsuka had close to no experience in anything related to sex. sure there were a few kisses and things they shared back then, but he was still no good at it. ritsuka reasoned that growing up, he wanted more experience as a male. despite soubi's slight teasings and his confidence that ritsuka was never going to be dominant, he decided to think about it.

to ritsuka's surprise, his fighter accepted the offer. of course, there were no strings attached, but he already expected that sort of condition, since, after all, soubi still had feelings for another. his fighter explained that he wanted to clear his mind and find out his true feelings for himself so he accepted ritsuka's offer to probably test himself. though the reason confused ritsuka a little, all this was better than nothing.

the thought of engaging in anything sex-related once again constantly made ritsuka nervous and anxious, yet a little excited. but at least he was learning, he'd step up the ladder a little. some of his classmates already lost their ears, and he wasn't sure whether it would be his turn soon. soubi never mentioned how far they'll go, only that he chose the place and time. there was always the empty chapel or the small room across the hallway in its lobby which nobody ever knew about and entered. the idea constantly sent shivers down his spine.

but, it was sad for him though somehow. he realized after a few good days of thinking that his feelings for soubi haven't changed at all. the only difference is that he learnt how to suppress it unconsciously, so it seemed like he felt nothing at all. it only seemed obvious when he talked about it or wrote about it. it was a good thing to know how to do, but that also meant he was nothing but a sexual item for his beloved.

sure he needed experience, but the fact that he was only going to be used for sex saddened him to an extent. as of now, soubi had no love for him. he was his 'bathroom' lover. their 'love' only between skin and hidden behind secret doors. yet when he though about it, maybe he can love soubi this way, in his own, silent, way. though he could not say it, at least his body had hopes of expressing his heart. and all this still

ought him closer to his fighter, so he had no objections. it was good and bad, yet how can he refuse such a thing?

ritsuka lifted his head up knowingly and stared at the sky, searching for an answer.