4. Chapter 3 (1/2)

author's note: i just wanted to show extra appreciation to you readers for last chapter's reviews. they were extra nice and it always makes me smile. i just wanted to let you all know. also, thank you for bearing with some of these characters as i'm pulling a couple of them out of character(blaise and natara) for purposes of the story. please do keep reading. i know i can't update as often as i used to and i do apologize! i wish that i could! but regardless, enjoy this update! it's pretty fluffy with the maltara.

awake- chapter three

natara williams' pov

when i woke up, five minutes ago, i didn't remember anything. at least- anything that mal had described. i had been having nightmares for weeks, months even. mal knew about them. but what he didn't know, was what occurred in the dreams. if he did know, he wouldn't stay with me. i knew that. because let's face it…

i am losing it.

there's no way to sugar-coat this sort of fallacy in my messed up mind that my adoring, amazing boyfriend tries to murder me in my sleep.

i even googled it on my laptop. i tried to find stories or medical advice about anybody experiencing the same thing.

zero search results.

"mal, i think i might have a sleep disorder."

i felt safe in his snuggly arms. i always did. and ever since i woke up, that's where i'd been- just

eathing into his warm chest and despite the worry, feeling completely careless. the feeling is impossible to describe unless you've been in love. the world around you could be falling apart, but if you're with the love of your life, you can still summon a smile…

or at the very least, a positive thought.

"a sleep disorder.." he began, continuing to thoroughly comb his fingers lightly through my hair. this soothed me. it felt better than he realized, and i feel like he didn't even know. the act was so natural to him. it was done with ease. "… or you're just upset. it's understandable. but here's what i think we should do…"

he trailed off, and i waited. my fingers played with the curves of his back muscles, delicately grazing the soft cotton of his shirt. my eyes met his with intensity. and to my amazement, the fire never died. eye contact was something special, and highly potent, for any true connection. our eye contact was an impenetrable tunnel that carried so much energy… so much love. i added it to the mental list that i began making of why marrying him was completely justified.

he continued, "you're going to hate me, though, when i say this."

i sighed, grasping him around the back of his neck, true desperation growing inside me. "i could never do such a thing. just say it."

"i think… i- i think we should… seek external help."

oxygen a

uptly left my lungs and escaped my mouth; external help?

"mal, are you suggesting… seeing a counselor?"

his lips quivering very minimally as he struggled to find the appropriate words. just as well, his weight kept shifting. it was uncomfortable for him to say. i knew that. all the while, it made me feel too fragile… too

eakable. and of all the things that i could have been, those would come in dead last on my preferred list. "well, when you say it like that-"

immediately, i cut him off, interrupting the sentence. "just come out and say it. do you think i need psychological help?"

his face grew even more serious, further burning me with his aquatic blue irises. "of course not. i feel like you're honestly the strongest woman on this planet, after everything you've been through. but what i do think you need, natara, is a goddamn

eak. i'm sick of you waking up in tears. i'm sick of you thrashing and screaming randomly in the middle of dead sleep. and most of all, and generally speaking, i'm just sick of seeing that beautiful face stuck in a permanent frown."

my heart skipped a beat. he always knew what to say. and the best part- he was telling the truth. i believed him.

"all that i want is to help you. i just want to make you smile."

i turned my expression downwards again, burying my head into his chest. i felt true exhaustion eating me up right then. all i wanted to do was sleep- a true sleep. i wanted only a sleep not interrupted by nightmares.

and it wouldn't hurt not to sleepwalk and begin beating up my boyfriend from the other side of the bed but… if i did have a sleep disorder, that was surely part of it, too, i assumed.

but thinking about it only made it worse.

mal killed all the pent up tears, again, and swept me off of my feet and into the bedroom.

his soft kisses trailed up and down my neck and to my earlobe. the area was sensitive to his tingly

eaths. and that, he definitely knew. he had used it to his advantage before. as we landed on the bed together, he snuggled closer to me than he ever had before. on top of the blankets, immediate tired took over. "take a nap. i'm going to be right here. and if and when anything bad happens, i'm going to wake you up. alright?"

the idea was a little scary, but i didn't have any other options. one, i was far too tired. two, i knew i was safe here. "thank you. i love you."