1. Chapter 1 (1/2)

intro: this fic was written by shakbari because lazy-assed death and ivan

didn't want to co-write. lyrics supplied by meestar pickles. the original

idea was hippy's. "i'm the only gay elf ho" is a parody of "i'm the only

gay eskimo" by tenacious d.

disclaimer: we don't own the lotr characters or the song it's based on. but

we own this fic, and we own you, so moohaha.

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with his soul finally at peace about gandalf's fall into the shadow -- it

had turned out there was more to the wizard's relationship with balrog than

met the eye -- legolas sat down under a tree, and loosed his hair. he found

it helped him think better.

old gandalf -- who would have thought? the young elf mused.

at least gandalf had a relationship with someone, a voice in legolas's head

said mockingly.

"who's there?!" legolas sprang up and nocked an arrow in his bow. "come out

and i won't shoot!"

but he knew it was pointless. that voice had always been there, mocking him

every time an elven woman approached him, laughing every time he fell in

his face while attempting to talk to a man. he sighed and sat back down,

the words of his old favorite song coming to mind...

i'm the only gay elf ho, i'm the only one i know. i'm the only gay elf ho

in the fellowship...

i go orc hunting with my best friend aragorn, but all i wanna do is get

into his thong i'm the only gay elf ho in the fellowship...

legolas awoke wih a start, finding he had fallen half-asleep while thinking

about those words. he suddenly remembered how, as a young elf, his friends

had always teased him about being gay. it's not fair, he thought. i can't

help it if i fancy a man over a woman. that

ought to mind the next verse