16. The Fault in Our Affection (1/2)

the next day, i waited impatiently at isaac's door to talk to him. in that moment, all i wanted was some genuine comfort; to be alone with someone i loved. it became a strange aching feeling in my chest, when i wasn't with him. and it was more than ever before, more than i could've imagined.

i knew that it was only about three seconds that i waited at his door, but it felt like much longer. it was as if the world was slowing down to annoy me. love was a strange thing.

at the same time that i was loving him, i was angry. angry that he wanted to take a dangerous surgery, angry that the baby inside of me probably wouldn't survive and angry that a dead guy was alive and stalking me. and the cancer was just the icing on top of my rotten cake.

just as i was enduring yet another whirlwind of emotions, the door opened, revealing isaac and a walking stick. i was finally at ease.

"isaac? it's hazel." i said with a calm sigh.

he appeared just like he had the previous day. with that same inky black hair, dull clothes, and mild mint scent. the small smile on his lips made me smile too, somehow always instantly

ightening my mood. i could almost feel his warmth while standing meters away.

"come in, come in." he said with the same calmness as i had used. seconds later, i was sitting across from him in his small living room.

"um," i uttered, not exactly sure of what to say. "you still going to take that surgery?"

"i don't know. i think i will." isaac sighed heavily as if trying to

eathe something out. "it's pretty damn scary."

"don't feel like you have to do it to please me or something. i love you for… you." the room was silent again and it made my last sentence stand out. i looked out the window at nothing in particular and tensed as my cheeks heated up. at least he couldn't see how rosy they were.

"how's anna doing?" he asked suddenly.

"who?"

"anna, your baby. i think she's growing, actually."

"that might just be me getting fat, but you're free to think whatever you like." i said casually, placing my hand on… anna. "anna… imperial affliction… nice. but what if it's a boy?"

he paused to think for a second.

"you can come up with that one." he said. from across where i sat, he swiftly stood up and sank into the couch i was sitting on. and in that motion, his spicy mint tickled my nose and my blood flowed a billion times faster.

my nose twitched involuntarily at the scent; it was my favourite.

i wasn't sure if i'd told isaac about the whole baby issue. so i told him then, hoping it wouldn't ruin his mood.

"the doctors told me that anna might not survive. and i might not either." i lowered my voice at the saddening thought that i'd be dying, along with anna. wasn't it basically murder on my part? to kill of another living being? "it's the can-"

"no." isaac stated, taking my jittery hands in his warm ones. once again, the gesture caused intense fireworks to explode inside. "don't say it. you're not going to die, neither is anna."

i looked at his face and even with the glasses that blocked most from seeing his inner emotions, i could see right through him.

"but saying that doesn't change anything." i said back in the same serious tone he had spoken to me with. "this is why falling in love is so hard for me. i come with all these extra problems."