47. Chapter 47 (1/2)

ok, i a sure you will all be happy to know that i now have my muse back for this story and i am a few chapters ahead again. right now, expect one a week. i hope to finish this one soon, but this last part will be as long as the rest of the story. i am upping the rating for mentions of death and it might get a little more mature in topics, mostly emotional issues. a little deeper than before. should have maybe done it before, but this chapter really needs it. thank you for your reviews and opinions. i do value them.

the story has taken a little change from what i had originally wanted it to go, but it is for the best. some will like it, some will not, but my conundrum is settled. i have a few more chapters before i do a time skip. i hope you enjoy this, somewhat...

time to catch up to some of the other players in the story.

it had been an odd few months. never in his life had he lived alone, and yet, bingley found that he was actually enjoying it. maybe it was the accumulation of truths he had been forced to face over the last year. he had always considered himself a pleasant person, but he had never realized how much his nature drove him to act in ways that were pleasing to those around him. because of his acting in such a way, he lost a great many things. he lost the chance to be with a woman he was certain he was near in love with. he lost his close friendship with darcy, because he wasn't going to kid himself; they could never be as close as they were before. too much had transpired and darcy was now married to the sister of the lady he lost. oh, he was happy for friend, but it would be a while before he would be able to spend actual time in their presence.

his relationships with his sisters was changed. louisa had given herself over to being a mother, and she was good at it. this didn't surprise him, as she was the elder of them and often managed caroline and himself throughout their childhood. she and hurst were content at the family's country estate. hurst was more often sober, in fact. bingley now wondered how much his drinking was tied to the presence of his wife's siblings. his sister would write, but he was in no doubt that any visits would be from his side alone. overall, he thought the separation good for her.

caroline was another matter. he had openly wept when he was alone. no matter their differences, he would never have wished such a union on his sister. yet, she seemed to thrive. according to louisa, caroline was quite happy with her lot. she was extremely social, and husband or not, she went where it was fashionable to be. she truly led the life she had always wanted. what saddened him was the reports he received from on his newest

other-in-law. her husband was every bit the cad he knew him to be, but his sister did not care. she had the power over the money and properties, which he supposed was good for her, for he knew she would at least be taken care of in that manner. no, what grieved him was that her heart would never be touched, never know that love of a husband for his wife. she would not have a marriage like their parents had. that was what grieved him.

he often looked into himself and wondered if it was his fault. he would wonder how he could have done better so that she would not fall into such a trap. truthfully, he knew he was not entirely at fault, if any fault could be laid at his door. his sister knew the fundamentals of right and wrong, same as he and louisa, however, she made her choices to live as she did. she had her own set of values and morals that she placed above the rest, just like everyone else did.

the chime from the clock

ought him out of his musings. he had an assembly to get to. as the newest member of the neighborhood, and a single man to boot, he was very popular. there was still a large part of him that liked to please people, so he was happy to attend such events and gatherings, knowing his new neighbors would be set off into a tizzy. none of the local young ladies had stirred his heart as only one other had done before. he held out hope that one day he might be blessed again to have such feelings for another, but he readied to settle himself on the idea of a companion that he could at least be content to spend his life with. gathering his hat and gloves, he made his way to his carriage.

the colors of the room swirled together as she danced. dancing. nothing in the world seemed to make lydia bennet happier than to dance. whenever she danced, she was able to forget all that had happened in the last two years. her problems melted away as the beat flowed through her and propelled her to move. she would smile at her partner and bask in the attention she would receive in return. she was older and wiser, more picky about her partners, but at her core, she was still the little girl would enjoyed the distractions life had to offer. when the song would end, reality would return, but that was okay. there was another dance just around the corner.

she was now seventeen and allowed to participate in all the best of society. not a day went by that she and ms. richard's did not have an invite to attend some soiree, party, or assembly. the two ladies were quite popular. in fact, ms. richards made sure it was known that they would always spend monday nights at home, just so that they might rest. sunday was simply not enough. lydia disagreed, but then, she was far younger than her guardian.

as the song came to an end, she bowed to her partner and allowed him to lead her to her keeper. ms. richards smiled happily at her. the young man, a mr. coulter, smiled and engaged the two for a few moments before going to seek his next partner. lydia liked him, but he was far too young for her to consider as anything more than an acquaintance and occasional dance partner, having only just graduated from cam

idge. not that she was inclined to marry yet. she fully intended to wait another year or so, if ever.

the hall was crowded that night, and, having no partner for the next set, lydia turned to engage her guardian in conversation.

"hear any interesting tidbits this evening?"

"a few. mrs. glenn's daughter is soon to be engaged, if her mother is reading the situation correctly, and hopes to have her married by the end of september."

"to mr. farther? i thought he was enamored with miss knight?"

"so did i, but mrs. radcliff informed me that she heard that miss knight married mr. holton last friday by special license."

"how is it we are only hearing of this now? it has been a week?"

"good friends who know how to keep a secret for at least a little while."

"at least that explains their absence this week. when shall we be able to verify this?"

"mrs. radcliff, gossip that she is, never shares anything unless she, herself, has verified it as truth. i believe she likes to think that so long as she is spreading truths, no blame can be laid at her feet for a fallout."

"i suppose that is one way to view it."

"indeed. no partner for this set?"

"no, and i am almost glad for it. two years ago, it was nothing to dance every dance. now, i start to feel winded."

"as children, we are endowed with a great amount of energy that is slowly syphon from us as we age," ms. richards laughed. lydia just smiled at the woman. she loved it when her guardian would reference her maturity.

more ladies approached them and began a conversation with ms. richards. lydia allowed her mind to wander, knowing ms. richards would be sure she knew of any interesting detail she might miss.

she had received a letter from her mother that morning. her entire family now resided at roxwood, awaiting the birth of jane's child. there had been an ache in heart at the knowledge that she was once more excluded, but she knew that was her own fault. she had made it clear she had no interest in babies at the moment, and rebuffed a veiled invite to join them months ago. but still, it hurt all the same, knowing they were all together and she still apart.

kitty and her husband had returned from their elopement and wedding trip to join them. she knew ms. richards was happy to have her nephew settled with someone her entire family approved of, and who seemed to make him happy. though it had been near two years since she had actually seen her sister, lydia found she could only find good things to say about her sister. though old jealousies still existed, she found she could not begrudge her sister her happiness. after all, kitty had never been showered with the attention she had always received from others. she could

ing herself to be happy that her sister received her chance.

lizzy, too, had returned from her wedding trip with the boorish mr. darcy. she still did not understand the union, but it was her sister's problem, not hers. she only hoped to never have to find herself in a position in which she would need to seek them out for lodgings. she could only imagine the dull existence she would be forced to endure. though, with lizzy in residence, it wouldn't be all bad. and miss darcy had been a pleasant enough young lady.

then there was mary. lydia didn't like to think about mary. if she thought about mary, she would have to think of her own past actions and intensions, and that was something lydia was not ready to do. she only hoped that her travels with mrs. andrews did not

ing them to bath for both sets of sisters to meet. she doubted their reunion would be as pleasant as the one between ms. richards and mrs. andrews would be.

lydia suddenly found her attention drawn to talk of miss clive's reported injury. she had apparently tripped while she and her mother visited the mother of a single man with a nice estate only ten miles outside of bath, and injured her ankle. lydia barley held the snort that rose within her, thinking of her own mother's actions so long ago, while trying to gain a man's favor for her eldest daughter. the players and circumstances may change, but the game did not.

she heard the sounds of the set come to a close, and mr. farther approached for his dance after returning miss glenn to her parents. she decided to take the chance to find out about an attachment to the young lady. if one did not exist, she thought she might encourage one to form. after all, two people as plain as they would do well together.

the day was beautiful, and the summer heat was not unbearable. indeed, it had all the attributes of a perfect day, which was why he decided to take his wife for a walk in the garden. as the months had passed, anne's physical health had continued to decline. once the days had begun to warm, he and the staff had begun to see to it that the young mistress was able to enjoy the outdoors more than she had in recent years. secretly, they had all hoped that it might improve her overall health, but it did not. however, her countenance took a positive change. in all the years he had known her, richard had never seen his cousin smile so

ightly.

he carried her along the paths, listening to her delightful chatter about the blooms and birds. more than once, he found himself chuckling at her antidotes. however, he began to grow concerned with her continued shortness of

eath. finding a bench nearby, he decided to sit awhile, knowing anne would not want to go back inside just yet.