1. Chapter 1 (1/2)

it was too early in the morning, way too early. ash grumpily ate his

eakfast while he listened to eiji chatting animatedly about something or other. usually ash would be listening, but it was 6:00 in the morning. who wants to be up at 6:00? eiji apparently, since the fact that the sun wasn't up didn't seem to faze him at all. eiji paused in his story and ash grunted in agreement with whatever the japanese just said. eiji, realizing ash wasn't listening, rolled up the newspaper that was sitting on the table and bobbed ash on the head.

"if you didn't want to get up this early, why did you ask me to wake you?" eiji chastised. ash groaned and looked down at his plate. he couldn't tell eiji that he was up early so he could go on an undercover mission to retrieve some information about a neighboring gang. it wasn't particularly dangerous mission and even if he was discovered he could easily escape but he knew eiji wouldn't see it that way. he wasn't about to ruin the japanese's day by giving him information that would make him stress all day.

"don't worry about it." he said softly pushing his food away and standing up. "i'm heading out." eiji blinking in surprise and glance out the window at the dark sky.

"where are you going?" the dark-haired man asked with a tinge of suspicion. ash paused.

"to meet with the rest of the gang." he finally said keeping his voice causal. it wasn't a complete lie. he needed to meet up with them since they had the necessary items for the mission. eiji narrowed his eyes, not buying the story, but thankfully didn't pursue it.

"well, you can tell me more about it when you get back." eiji said huffily and ash knew he would have to tell him the truth later.

"what're you planning on doing today?" he asked. eiji

ightened up.

"i'm going shopping." he said cheerfully.

"alright, i'll get bones and kong to go with you." ash said pulling out his phone. eiji reached out a hand to stop him.

"actually, i want to go by myself today." he said softly. ash hesitated. although the streets were safer than they were before and eiji knew more about the area, ash still felt anxious letting him wander by himself.

"i'm only going to a few places." eiji said quickly. "all of them local. i also have everyone's number so i can call if i need help. i know this area well enough ash." eiji shot the blond a meaningful look. "so please trust me on this." ash opened his mouth to protest but then closed it. eiji had dropped it the earlier conversation when ash didn't answer him, and it wouldn't be right to push this. it was true that eiji had been traveling around by himself more….

"alright but be careful." ash said seriously. eiji sighed in relief and dropped his hand. ash gave him one more stern look before stepping out of the front door. "i'll be back later tonight."

"take care!" eiji called.

ash closed the door of their apartment and headed down the hall. he knew he shouldn't be worried about eiji. eiji wasn't as naive anymore. even so he couldn't help it. eiji was his special friend.

"friend" ash scoffed to himself. eiji had long since passed the line of friendship into something entirely different. ash had tried his hardest to ignore it, placing labels on his relationship with the japanese. they were 'good friends', almost like '

others', eiji was his 'guardian angel'. it took an extremely vivid and detailed dream about eiji that woke him with a pounding heart and a deep longing for the blond to finally come to terms with his feelings.

he was in love. not just a crush or a light feeling of happiness every time eiji was near. no, it was the soul binding, overwhelming kind of love that occupied his day to day thought and left him daydream about a future with eiji. ash was not at all someone who thought of the future. he lived in the here and now with no hope that he'd live past tomorrow. the sudden daydreams therefor stood out to him vi

ate against his bleak life.

he daydreamed about winning over eiji's family. about the wedding they would have, though he couldn't decide whether it would be a japanese or american wedding. he pictured adopting a pet, ether a cat or dog. and afterwards they could adopt a little baby or two.

whenever he found himself thinking about these fictional futures, he would harshly reprimand himself. he could barely keep alive, rather less living a normal life. why did he suddenly decide it was alright for him to daydream about a such a perfect future? who did he think he was, thinking it was alright to have a normal life with eiji? it filled him with self-loathing. eiji deserved better.

with that in mind ash had sworn to himself he would never tell eiji how he felt. whenever the urge came over him, he would remind himself that eiji clearly didn't feel the same way. after all, why would he? the japanese wasn't under any illusion of ash's life. he knew ash's past and present crimes. he knew exactly the kind of person ash was. even if eiji was kind and accept ash feelings, what then? would eiji just go alone with ash's one-sided romance even if he didn't feel the same way? would he put up with all the dangers that came with the labeled "boss's boy". he would become more of a target than ever. eiji had already given up everything just to stay with ash and ash wouldn't ask for more. he already didn't deserve what he had already. ash already had eiji's kindness, he didn't deserve eiji's love. eiji's love belonged to some pretty girl or hansom man who would eventually come and sweep eiji off his feet and take him far away from ash. ash wasn't looking forward to the day that would happen. he tried not to think about the emptiness he would feel when he lost eiji forever. no, he couldn't think about the future. he would concentrate on the present and ignore his feelings. he would crush his stupid unrealistic daydreams and not let a single unwanted emotion cross his face.

ash was still deep in thought when he arrived at the meeting place. the rest of his gang were waiting for him along with the necessary items. ash pulled himself out of his thoughts and surveyed what they had. the gang had dug up an assortment of outfits, wigs, makeup, accessories and shoes. he nodded in approval and the men relaxed. ash knew he had to lock his feelings away. he had work to do.

the plan worked better than ash could have ever hoped. he had

eezed in, got the information, then left without raising any suspicions. the only downside was the bus ride back to the base. to avoid raising suspicion, ash needed to take the bus, instead of walking. it was only four stops and usually would take 10 minutes. today however everybody had decided to drive like maniacs and cause all sorts of problems. there were at least three different car accidence that occurred on that one street. ash had been stuck in stand still traffic for almost 50 minutes. the young gang leader groaned under his

eath and gazed gloomily out the bus's window. he could see his reflection in a café's window across the street. the person in the reflection looked nothing like ash. he had long shaggy dark

own hair and dark

own eyes. the makeup ash wore made his face look long and narrow with a hint of stubble on his chin. he wore a grey short-sleeve shirt and leather pants. on his exposed arm was a fake tattoo of a heart with an arrow through it. if anyone saw him, they wouldn't recognize him at all.

the bus leached forward, passing the café window. it drove two feet before and stopping to pick up more passengers.

"only three stops left." ash thought bitterly, leaning back on his chair and closing his eyes.

"excuse me." a familiar polite voice said. "can i sit here?" ash opened his eyes to see eiji hovering beside to the empty seat next to ash. the blond, quickly getting over his initial shock, nodded and the japanese gratefully sat down. ash surveyed him. from the way he was acting it was clear that he didn't recognize ash. a small smirk crossed the american's lips. this would be fun.

"so," he said making sure to keep his voice a few octaves lower than usual. "busy day shopping?" he nodded at the bag on eiji's lap. eiji looked down at them

"oh yeah." he said shyly.

"i'm jacob troboson." ash said extending a hand. eiji smiled warmly.

"i'm eij-uhhhh." he faltered for a second the cleared his throat. "i'm eric….um…smith? yeah eric smith." he shook ash's hand.

"nice to meet you eric smith." ash said trying to keep a straight face. it was cute the way eiji tried to come up with a fake name. he was so obvious. anyone with a half of a

ain could figure out that eiji was lying. even so it made him relived see that eiji was wise enough not to tell a complete stranger his name.

another thought crossed ash's mind. that morning eiji had said he was shopping locally, yet he was far enough away to take a bus. to ash that wasn't local. local was anything from walking distance. the american made a mental note to discuss it with eiji. he didn't like the idea of the japanese wandering this far without backup.

ash must had been staring, because eiji shifted uncomfortably. the blond quickly looked around for a change of subject. he noticed something sticking out of eiji's bag.

"are those flowers?" he asked pointing at them. "who's the lucky gal?" he had meant it as a joke. he had meant eiji to pout or quickly defend himself. what he didn't expect was eiji's face to turn

ight red. he looked down, his hands fidgeting on his lap. ash frowned, suddenly alarmed. did eiji actually like someone? he had thought he had more time with eiji before someone came and carried him away.

"boy actually." eiji murmured.

"sorry?" ash said, shaken out of his thoughts. eiji cleared his throat avoiding eye contact with ash.

"i'm giving these to a boy...he's someone i've liked for a long time." eiji bit his lip, looking nervous.

"i see." ash said trying to make his voice light and cheerful. "he's a lucky fella." eiji relaxed and he gave a small nervous giggle.

ash felt lost. he could not think who this guy would be. he casted his mind around to make a guess. eiji's crush had to be someone who could get close to eiji. this means he was probably someone who lived at their apartment complex or…or someone in ash's gang. that last thought made the american's blood boil. the idea that someone in his gang had the gall to attempt to seduce eiji was maddening. although ash trusted everyone in his gang, they weren't the kind of people eiji should be dating. it was all about protecting eiji, not because ash was jealous…. if it was someone from their apartment complex it would be fine…ok not fine but ash wouldn't need to worry about it as much…of course if this guy ever hurt eiji ash would hunt him down and show him what real pain felt like. he would regret ever thinking he could play around with eiji's feelings.

"i hope he accepts." eiji said in a quiet voice. ash looked over at him. all of eiji's earlier grittiness was gone replaced by anxious expression.

"why wouldn't he accept?" ash asked with a little laugh. the idea that someone would rejecting eiji's feelings was ludicrous. eiji's love was the purist form of love in existence. whoever received it gained eternal happiness.

"because." eiji whispered. "he might not feel the same and…" eiji looked down dejectedly. "he might get upset with me. i don't want to ruin what we have, but i can't keep this to myself anymore." eiji clamped his eyes shut. "i find myself fantasizing about the future. about a life we can have together. it's stupid, the idea that we could go farther …he'll probably reject me…" with every word eiji seemed to shrink a little. ash felt a boiling sensation travel down into his chest.

"if he rejects you." ash said angrily punctuating each word. "then he's not good enough for you. i bet you can do better." eiji opened his eyes and stared at ash in shock. then he shook his head.

"i doubt it." eiji said softly.

"why not?" ash demanded.

"because he's...he's..." eiji seemed to be struggling with the words. "he's amazing. i've never met anyone like him before. he's like…strong, but also gentle. he cares about everyone around him. if someone insults him, he doesn't even bat an eye but when someone is in trouble, he jumps in to help them…he's also powerful… he acts cold sometimes but he's really playful and witty and his smile…damn" eiji laughed. "i can't even put it into words" as eiji rambled on his expression changed. ash watched him his mouth slightly agape. he had never that expression on eiji's face before. his whole face seemed to radiate happiness and tranquility. his eyes shown

ighter than a star, as if he had gained the power to call down heavens. what ash wouldn't give to have eiji make that expression while talking about him. his love was so powerful that its warmed ash's core and made him desire eiji more.

the blank-haired man seemed to come back to earth and remember where he was. his smile faded and his cheeks turned red.

"sorry." he muttered embarrassed.

"it's fine!" ash said quickly pulling on a fake smile. "you sound like you love him a lot."

"i do." eiji whispered. "i just hope i'm good enough." ash blinked in surprise.

"what?" he asked. "why wouldn't you be?" his voice came out harsher than he meant it to. eiji winced and looked down.

"it's just…" he bit his lip. "he's amazing and i'm…average…. he's beautiful and i'm plain. he knows what he wants, and i'm just go with the flow. he's powerful and strong and i'm helpless and useless. he's smart and i'm…well just normal. he has so many talents so many people rely on him and i'm just…just a burden…" ash frowned deepened. this description ruled out anyone from his gang. that just left someone from their apartment building. he wondered who it was. since their apartment complex had many rich people living there, the person eiji had fallen for could own a company or something. that would explain what eiji meant by powerful and talented. ash

istled at the thought. even if this man was the richest and powerfullest person alive it didn't excuse the fact that he made eiji feel like he was worth nothing.