21. Chapter 21 (1/2)

chapter xxi

dear diary,

christmas came and then it went out through our doors with an incredible speed, not mentioning that i'm still amazed by the date i'm writing at the tope of this page: 5th january 1926 but i actually don't mind time flying so fast nowadays and i'll explain why.

so carl and i started courting officially on that one day in november, so almost two months ago and i must say that those were the longest two months of my life. i love carl and i did tell him that i could love him in that way but to be honest i still don't know as my head is just spinning and with each day i am getting more and more confused and embarrassed as opposed to what i should have becoming, more and more certain about whether or not i love carl, in that way.

i'm not entirely myself when i'm with carl. i mean when we talk and when we laugh everything is as it was before, but when carl kisses me (which he does quite often) or when we hold hands, i am not myself at all, i feel like i'm a different, shy and not very confident diana, and not even di.

it's not that i hate when carl for example kisses me, it's just that i don't feel like it's entirely right. mother told me that i should give this relationship a chance and i heard her whispering to dad one night that she thinks that "there is something in the air, even if di doesn't know it yet" and i highly hope so or otherwise i will have to

eak carl's heart, again and this time it could be fatal.

but i don't want to sound too horrible although i probably do, unfortunately. but i don't feel very happy lately, i can't really recall when was the last day when i felt perfectly happy, it wasn't so very long ago i'm quite sure, or maybe it was? i seem to lose the track of time all the time.

christmas was delightful, despite carl kissing me under the mistletoe and holding my hand while sitting next to me at the christmas table. we all gave each other wonderful presents and there was music and we all sang (carl made a hilarious performance, he really can't sing!) together and then we danced and while carl and i danced i accidentally poked the vase standing nearby and of course

oke it as it fell to the floor. i was horrified because the vase has been standing on this table in our living room ever since i can remember but then mother and father burst out laughing and susan started giggling like a girl herself and after a few seconds, the whole room was a room full of laughter.

then it was the new year's eve and we all got a wonderful surprise, persis and her husband along with their daughter nellie came for a visit! we were all so delighted to see them all again and to meet nellie of course. she is such a beautiful baby and she's just as smiley and as funny as her mother is although she does have her father's eyes. but auntie leslie is delighted with her and so is uncle owen.

so we all even with our own persis, louis and nellie, spent the last eve of the year 1925 together and it was a really fantastic party. i was glad, oh so glad that that year was going to an end! it was such a long, horrible and heart

eaking year. this whole situation with robert… then with carl… oh, i just hope that the year of 1926 will be much, much, much better than the last one.

of course there were wonderful moments, magical moments like when i delivered rilla's baby boy, dear owen, and how all of my students passed again… it's really hard to understand why we mostly remember all the things which are the most painful to remember instead of those which fill our hearts with warmth and love?

all in all, it is a whole new year now and all i can hope for is for it to be the best year of my whole life, although, i highly doubt it will happen.

yours,

di blythe

"oh, i'm so terribly sad that persis is already back in france." nan said wistfully while sipping her tea in the living room of una's and shirley's house "it feels as if she never actually came."

"yes, i wish she could stay here a bit longer." una agreed while she was hopping cilia on her right knee "persis always

ings all the sunshine with her, even if she doesn't want to

ing it, she always does anyway." she grinned at di who held small luna in her arms with an angelic expression on her face.

"well, she couldn't stay here forever when her whole life is in france." di said and kissed luna on both cheeks, making the chubby, sweet baby to dimple "but i wish she wasn't all the way across the ocean, in europe."

"i hope that one day we will all be able to visit europe one day." nan said excitedly "all of us, with our children and us drinking tea with the king at the buckingham palace!"

una and di shared a knowing glance and the three of them laughed together "oh, nan, if you could only get us an invitation with your charms!" di said merrily, some of the old spark coming back to her eyes.

"oh, i will." nan nodded swiftly "just wait and see girls." she stage-whispered and they all chuckled again.

"di, do you think that you will want to go back to teaching at school this year?" una asked her friend suddenly.

"i'm not sure yet." di replied in a matter of fact tone "one part of me wants to but the other one tells me a definite "no"."

"you still teach anyway." nan added "and now you are so busy because you started those painting classes! you are even busier than you were before!"

di's cheeks flushed with red as she knew that the main reason why she took those painting and sketching classes was to spend a bit less time with carl, and instead engage her mind with something else. una noticed this blush and she immediately knew that her earlier supposing was right and when nan looked at di's flushed face, she knew it too, oh she knew what was troubling di immediately and so she put down rose on the couch next to cilia and she put her hands on di's "di, what is going on with you and carl?" she asked eventually.

di sighed. she knew that her twin and her sister-in-law knew her too well not to notice a change in her behaviour but, dear lord, she tried so hard to hide it! "i don't know nan." she whispered dully.