30. Chapter 30 (1/2)
an: hi! apologies for it being so long, you know how it can be - never enough time haha. i hope you're still reading this story and that more importantly you're enjoying it. feedback would be super awesome, i'd love to see some comments even if they're suggestions or something. hopefully it won't be as long next time!
i sigh and walk over to the soft couch to sit there and i think of how we were cuddling on it earlier, and now we're about to fight again, or that's how it seems right now. i look down to my hands that i fold and i glance to my rings that i wear most always. we've known each other a month, but we've seen the other off and on since then, and how well have we even gotten to know the other? not that well, i don't think anyways.
"do you think maybe that we should just keep things open between us while you're gone? in case either of us wants to see another person." i think aloud, but who am i kidding? i highly doubt that i'm going to stumble across a relationship other than this one this summer, and then there's paul who girls go crazy over at just the sight of him.
"is that what you want?" he states boldly and i face his eyes that no longer are soft, but now they're cold and somehow they look darker.
"i don't know."
"jamie, you can't go through life saying 'i don't know' to the decisions you face." he exclaims and i tear my eyes away from his angry pair.
"what, are you my father now?" i retort and he answers with a simple 'no'.
"what makes you think that i would want to see other people?" he asks me and he wanders over to sit on the edge of the coffee table.
"that's how rockstars are." i reply without thinking and then i look to his eyes that show hurt and anger.
"oh, so are you just stereotyping me to be some alcoholic, druggie musician who pulls birds night after night?" he demands and i shyly shake my head and i look away from him to my hands because i can't look at his eyes anymore. now i think of how i would before love to stare into those pair for as long as i could.
he doesn't say a word, and neither do i, but i tell myself that i'm not going to be the one who disturbs the silence this time because whenever i speak foolish words come out. anything that i seem to be saying right now just drives him to become more mad, with me. i thought this day had turned itself around to be good, enjoyable, fun and a smile worthy day from how it was seeming to be before with the row we had and us yelling at each other. we seem to be back at it, once again.
"i'm about to sound awfully selfish, but i don't like the thought of another man calling you his," i lift my eyes to his to no longer see anger in them but something close to sadness. "but maybe it is a good idea that we have this relationship be open while i'm away because we don't know each other well enough to trust the other."
"is that what you want?" i repeat his phrase from just a tiny bit ago.
"i don't really think it matters if either of us wants it, but rather that we need it. but, that's only if you're okay with us having an open relationship until we see each other again after i leave."
"when do you think that'll be?" i ask since i haven't really gotten a good date to go off of.
"january, unless i get to come back home, but i don't think i will." he answers me in his soft tone of voice and he stands up to sit beside me and he pulls me into a hug and i hug him back.
i sigh into his chest and i feel his chin rest on my head and he rubs my back while i think of what this means. does it change things or does it not really? maybe it is a good thing like paul seems to think.