7. The Letter (1/2)

chapter vii

it's very hard to imagine what feelings will overcome you when you hear the news of a sudden death of someone who is dear to you. one person is hysteric, is crying all day and night, and swearing that he or she will never love again (and sometimes they keep that promise). whereas the other person is overpowered with the horrible news and will never believe in them.

julia blythe was neither the first nor the second person, she was quite in the middle. she knew that troy was dead, she could feel it but she wouldn't go into hysterics. instead she was lying in her bed for the next two weeks, doing nothing but read, read and read each of troy's letters that he sent to her from the beggining of the war. she cried bitterly on the first night after the news came but after that she wouldn't shed a single tear because all the other tears came out of her eyes that night and wouldn't return in a long, long time.

faith was very worried about her daughter. she was spending half a day trying to persuade her to go outside and play with cee, but she wouldn't even listen to one word her mother said. julia's cousins were guests of the house on the hill every single day and they tried their best to talk to julia, which turned into another failure. grandmother blythe and grandmother rosemary made julia's favourite chocolate cake; merry wrote that he is keeping strong even though he is in the trenches and that she should keep strong as well, again nothing convinced julia to come back from her 'depths of despair'.

jem examined his oldest daughter in worry that she started developing first stages of depression, but fortunately that wasn't the case. she just couldn't cope with one particular thought that was on her mind for the whole time: "and i didn't even have time to consider his proposal, i surely must have let him go then.". she couldn't help but to think that if she had accepted his proposal in the first place, he wouldn't get killed because he would be more careful.

but on one day, one very special thing happened which made julia make up her mind and get out of bed for once and for all; blythe finally gained strength to write to julia. it was a six pages long letter which was written so beautifully that after reading the last sentance, julia's eyes turned completely watery. he wrote how sorry he was for everything that happened and that he didn't write to her earlier, "...it was very childish of me, and i shouldn't act childish as i'm nineteen years old!" he wrote. "oh, what i would do without you, you, darlingest of all darlings! these past five months were a real torture to me…" she wrote back to him at the beggining of june.

and so julia's spirit started coming back but still the dark thoughts were remaining in her mind every single day, although not all the time. julia was quite surprised that she wasn't exactly grieving over troy, she rather had a feeling that she didn't do enough for their relationship and now she would never be able to fulfill it. also she didn't know how troy actually died. "did he die in agony? or maybe he died quickly, without any pain? but then… how do we know if death can be painless?" she questioned in her long letter to walter. walt and julia always shared a special relationship and when troy died, he was one of the most important reasons for julia to get better. walt was sending her flowers every week with lovely notes attached to them which would always make her smile and remind her that walt was there, and always will be there, whenever she needs him.

blythe was another reason for which julia got stronger. it almost seemed as if blythe had given her her life back. although they didn't see each other for another month after blythe's first letter came, they grew much closer together than they ever did before. they were sending each other long letters, "too long", as leslie referred to them. blythe sent julia about ten of his new poems which wrote since that gloomy christmas day, and he felt as if he started living for something again.

at the same time, julia's thoughts were also far away in france where her

other merry was fighting

avely in the battle of france. julia, and everybody else felt closer to war than ever. julia realised that merry, like troy, can die in the most unexpected place and hour. she couldn't think about it for too long though, for it hurt her excruciatingly to even imagine that something can happen to her

other.

but even though julia and her family were very fearful about merry, they were incredibly proud of him. jem and faith got a letter from merry's general who said that merry was one of the best soldiers in his division and probably the

avest. also merry, being 'merry', wasn't entirely affected by troy's death. he even wrote to his sister: "i think that the day before his death, he knew that something will happen to him, but he really was ready for the piper to come to him and play him his old song. and, maybe, i think i was prepared for it in some ways as well.".

gilly, on the other hand, almost finished his training for a pilot and he, along with jake, were awaiting to go overseas in around three weeks time. gilly wasn't as excited as jake, troy or merry were about going to the front. he was actually quite scared and his letters to julia were quite long, for he thought that after writing every word to her, something would protect him from every harm from the war which was getting nearer and nearer to him. julia seemed as if she was now gilly's main advisor and in many ways she found it very relaxing, just to write back to him and telling him how proud she is and how

avely he behaves.

her other concern was walt. she was terrified by the thought that he could enlist and follow his twin in the war-adventure. but with every letter or 'phone-call they exchanged, he was reassuring her that he wasn't interested in the war at all. uncle walter wasn't interested as well and then… julia thought to herself but never said it outloud.

25th of june arrived and

ought walt, blythe and rose back from redmond. a big family dinner was prepared that day in ingleside. almost everyone was together again and all the people in rainbow valley had music filling up their ears and a wonderful summer

eeze filling up the air surrounding them all.

rainbow valley looked positively magical and blythe nearly thought that he saw a dryad hiding behind the tree lovers, calling him to go and come back to his old days of his childhood. the boys and the girls sat down in a big circle down in the rainbow valley on the huge purple blanket. they all felt that they have to spend the summer together for they didn't know what future might hold for each of them until the summer of 1941 will arrive.

"are you excited about queen's, owen?" blythe asked his younger

other while straightaning up his back.

"yes, very. i hope i will make some friends eventually." owen replied and smiled shyly in a very 'owen-ish' manner.

"or maybe girlfriends?" rose giggled and the others started chuckling. owen's cheeks turned fiery and he looked on the grass, pretending he didn't quite hear what his older cousin said. cee patted owen's hand gently, and he smiled at her kindly.

"rose, stop it. you're making owen feel embarrassed." julia whispered to rose but couldn't help but to smile at her younger cousin sitting in front of her.

rose rolled her eyes and put her arms around julia's shoulders "my darling julia, tell me when was the last time you rode on your river?" she asked suddenly with a raised

ow and a grin hiding in the corner of her mouth.

"at my birthday party." she replied hurriedly, knowing that she can't hide anything from her dear old friend rose.

"ha!" rose chuckled "then i insist you will ride today. julia you have to become bathsheba again!" she said in a begging tone.

julia sighed and looked at the space in front of her "i know, i wasn't myself lately. i mean i was but not entirely. it's so weird what dissapearence of one person can do with your life." she said absent-minded.

"dear, you have to get better for us, for your family but especially for yourself. i won't let you sign up unless you'll get better. you'll do this for me, won't you?" she asked and grinned knowingly at julia.

"yes, i will." she answered with laughter which for the first time in quite a while sounded like a real laughter.

"who wants to listen to the war-news?" grandfather blythe shouted from the ingleside's verandah to the young people sitting in rainbow valley. everyone except julia and blythe stood up hurriedly and ran to gilbert who opened the door wider and let in all of his grandsons and granddaughters into the living room.

blythe glanced at julia shyly, with atiny shadow of a smile running through his face. when their eyes met, julia smiled at him and sat down next to blythe putting her head gently on his shoulder, like she always used to do "i knew you would stay." she said to him.

"i had enough of this war already." he replied, glancing at her from time to time "besides in ten minutes time everyone will come out again and talk about the latest war-news whether we like it or not."

"yes." she said and then sighed.

"is something wrong?" he asked worriedly.

julia looked up at him seriously "blythe, i don't know how to live as i lived before… before… troy… died." she said eventually between unavoidable deep

eaths "it seems as if my whole world is upside down. i don't know how to be myself again." she turned her face away, as the tears started springing up in her eyes.

"yes, you do know how to be yourself." blythe said and put his hands on julia's arms "you know how to live and you know how to be happy." he said and took her hand in his "you just have to allow yourself to live again." he whispered and looked directly into her eyes.

"you're right… that's exactly it." julia's lips turned into a small grin "but it's not that easy, blythe. " she replied slowly.

"julia, listen, you just have to close the door of the past, and open a new door, fulfilled with dreams and hopes for the future." he smiled in a way which he always used to smile whenever he knew he said something right "it's not as easy to do as it sounds, i know. but you can do it, i believe in you entirely." he grinned at her.

julia quickly kissed him on the cheek "what would i do without you, blythe ford?" she questioned, putting her hand into his.

blythe blushed "you would do just fine. you always do. you are a very strong and independent person, you know that yourself." he said warmly.

"it's funny how people don't realize who they are until someone else tells them." she whispered dreamily, playing with a small flower in her hand.

blythe looked at her and caught his