16. Christmas 41 (2/2)

"yes, but not only in looks." he added and looked in her eyes again "that's something about your eyes that changed. but i think it's a good change. you're stronger than you were before." he said.

"do you think so?" she asked him, a shodow of a grin appearing in the corner of her mouth.

"yes, i do." he replied softly and put his arm around her shoulder on which she laid her head on.

"i sometimes see their faces, you know." she whispered suddenly "or rather what was left of them. and i think to myself: "why, oh why, freedom must be won in such pain and suffering?"." she sighed heavily.

blythe kissed julia's head tenderly. she shivered under his touch and just prayed that he didn't notice. she looked in his eyes again and almost immediately felt how the unpleasant thoughts were vanishing from her mind.

"freedom is the best thing you can ever get in life. freedom and love are almost equal i think. and for love, sometimes the biggest price must be paid." he said wisely, looking directly into julia's hazel-

own eyes with a gleam in his own.

she smiled to him and quickly hugged him from the side "you are the only person i told this thing to." she whispered again.

"i feel very special then." he whispered back with a light grin.

"you really should." she said again and the both of them exchanged smiles "because you are."

the christmas eve was the day after and afterwards everyone thought that it never happend because it went so fast. the christmas day however was as wonedrful as it alwyas has been for years in the old ingleside. julia was playing with little jackie, who was smiling all the time, while talking with everyone else. then she, as she promised walt, sang both "winter wonderland" and "silent night, holy night" in duet with rose, just like the two of them always udsed to do ever since the age of eight, when their family discovered that the two of them had the most beautiful voices in the family.

julia couldn't get out of her mother's and father's arms and when they finally did let her out, once in a while of course, there was either luna, cilia, leslie, or cee awaiting her with their empty arms. walt saved most of his hugs for lily and julia didn't mind at all as she could plainly see in both of their eyes the passion and love for each other. whenever she looked at them, the first feeling that was overcoming her was real happiness. however the second feeling was much different. it was jealousy. "why didn't i let myself love blythe earlier?" she couldn't help but to question every single time walt squeezed lily's hand or kissed her whenever he thought that nobody was looking. blythe wanted julia to go with him and visit cornelia the day after the christmas day but julia refused, too hurriedly she realised later, saying that she "has to go and help grandmothers with cleaning ingleside", which was partialy true as she did go to ingleside but only to have another chat with her grandparents.

for the next week, julia didn't do anything else but smiling, taking walks with walt and lily, or cilia, luna or leslie and sometimes rose, and of course with blythe. she even managed to take a few rides on river which she enjoyed so much that she started taking cee with her and talking with her while galloping through the woods, in order not to "waste any more time" as she said to her parents.

then, as quickly as it could, the new years eve arrived and a big party once again was held but this time at the house on the hill. everyone was up to see the clock striking midnight and everyone was dancing merrily for the next three hours. even jerry decided to dance with his wife, nan, and therefore blythe took julia's hand swiftly and winked at her "the only person i'm ever going to dance with is you." he said and put his hand on her waist. and so julia put her hand on his shoulder with a blush covering her face. it seemed that this blush was seen by everyone except for blythe himself.

"five days to go." julia whispered with a bitter grin appearing on her mouth.

"would you rather stay here?" blythe asked her, squeezeing her hand more toghtly, as if he was scared that she could suddenly disappear.

"no, i don't think so." she replied and chuckled "it's strange isn't it? i would rather go back to london and see those poor soldiers rather than stay here and see our wonderful rainbow valley every single day."

"you are so incredible, you know." he whispered with a tender smile "are you afraid of going back at all?"

"yes, but the thing is, when i'm here i don't feel that there's a war at all, even with merry, gil and jake missing." she replied with a furrowed

ow "but when i'm out there, it's just a real big mess which is very overwhelming. and that is where i really think about merry, gil, jake and the war itself."

"i think i can understand that. but don't you worry, everything will turn out alright in the end." he said in a very optimistic way, coming back to his old-self.

"i know. i can feel it will whenever i see the soldier whom i cured to stand up from his bed for the first time. and i know that peace will come to the world again." she said and grinned.

"it will. and we will welcome it just like we welcome a new day." he whispered back.

on the next day, walt went "to town" and he was expected to return the day after, already in his new uniform. julia and lily went to the shore together and spent that day on talking about books, music, and nursing for lily was also, like leslie, thinking about signing up as a vad.

"that would be splendid if you and leslie would join up and come to work in my hospital!" julia exclaimed, taking lily's hands in hers.

"i know, but i'm not sure if my parents will allow me to go. but i want to go desperately. you know… i want to be as close to walt as i possibly can." lily said with red cheeks, and she looked down to cover them.

"i know. that was one of the reasons i joined up as well." julia replied with a quiet sigh.

"hello girls!" leslie shouted while walking hand-in-hand with luna along the beach towards julia and lily who were sitting on the rocks.

"how are you today?" julia asked with a smile, when the two of her cousins sat down by her side.

"i'm fine, thank you. cilia is cooking all day with mother today and i hope that her carrot cake won't be burnt after all." luna laughed and so did her companions.

"and what about you, leslie? you don't look very happy today." julia noticed and put her hand on leslie's knee, worryingly.

she sighed helplessly "how can i be happy when my

other is enlisting today?" she asked julia slowly.

julia's face went entirely white "who do you mean by your

other?" she asked feeling how her heart went almost completely still.

"why, i mean blythe of course!" leslie replied "didn't he tell you that he was going to enlist today with walt?"

julia stared at leslie as if she was utterly crazy "no! he promised me a few weeks ago that he won't enlist!" she said

eathlessly.

all girls looked at her with concern in their eyes "he told us that he will, just after christmas eve." leslie said once again and julia realised that he must have told them while she and rose went to wash up the dishes together.

"and no one bothered to tell me?" julia exclaimed while putting her hand on her chest, trying to calm herself down.

"we all thought you knew, sheba." luna said shyly in her kind and gentle voice.

"yes, i'm sorry girls." julia responded quickly, catching her

eath at once "i shouldn't shout at you. it's just a shock, i suppose…" she said and stood up slowly "if you'll excuse me, i'll be back in ten minutes." she said and ran towards the house on the hill, her cheeks wet from tears running across them.

the next day, in the evening, rilla invited jem and his family over to the house of dreams for tea. julia, leslie, lily and owen were talking together, but they all seemed as if they were somewhere else in their thoughts. since the day before, julia couldn't think of anything else except that blythe didn't tell her that he will enlist. she was angry at him, oh, how angry! her cheeks were almost as red as her hair from this… fury she felt. but at the same time, her heart

oke into small, countless pieces and she knew that it will take some time before it could heal. she couldn't think properly and her thoughts were quite blank all afternoon, just like blythe's siblings' thoughts were as they were now waiting for both blythe and walt to come back in their uniforms.

all of a sudden, leslie looked out of the window and said in a terribly shaking voice: "they're back!" everyone followed leslie's example and looked out of the window. rilla, faith and lily gave a small shriek, jem and ken looked at each other knowingly, leslie and owen held each other's hands and julia... stormed out of the house, clenching her fists.

"you!" she shouted and made her way towards blythe "you liar! you horrible, horrible monster! how could you lie to me?! how could you do this to me?!" she shouted and started hitting him in the chest, not caring whether she could damage his new uniform or not. walter came over quickly and tried to stop julia from hitting poor blythe but she was definitely too strong and definitely too angry to even notice walter trying to do anything. blythe however, stood still with a peaceful expression on his face and was patiently waiting for julia to stop. her face grew red and her hair was in a total mess "why, blythe?! why?!" she was screaming and all at once, she started to sob and her movements grew slower and slower until she stopped hitting blythe completely.

"i'm so sorry, dearest." he whispered into her hair when he em

aced her and let her cry in his chest "i had to, i just had to." it was all he could say.

and to her own surprise she whispered back: "i know. i know."