4. Nausea (1/2)

chapter three

he found the death note a few days ago.

the walls weren't sound proof; i could hear him murmuring to himself over the low noise of the news channel he had begun to leave his portable television on. if i pressed my ear against the wall separating his room from mine at night, i could even faintly pick up on the furious scratching of a pen on paper.

it's funny; after all the years i've had to formulate a plan, i have nothing. a sense of panic filled my being, and i felt like throwing up. should i even involve myself with the mess he gets himself into? i sat down on the floor, pressing the side of my body against the door with my knees tucked under my chin. the sound of his writing calmed me down, ironically enough. this was sick.

i don't think i could let my

other do this by himself. i love him too much to watch him fuck up and get killed. i need to involve myself with this—should i go up to him and tell him i know? no, that is illogical. besides, whenever ryuk shows up and i'm unable to see him, he'll know for sure that i lied. it's possible that i could touch a page of the note before that, but it's a shitty plan to begin with.

i need to stage this. play up the role of concerned little sister, get caught in the act of going through the death note. should i ask him to go pick something up for me? ach, that'd give me too much time, and with my luck he'd take the fucking book with him. maybe i should bother him to find me something in the house?

"sayu, raito!" my mother's muffled hollering rang out, most likely from the bottom of the stairs as she tends to, "your father and i are going out for that business dinner i told you both about. we will be back around nine!"

"have a nice time kaa-san, tou-san." raito responds once he opened his door, the noise of him shutting then locking his book in a drawer sounding out beforehand.

i opened my door as well and leaned halfway out in a tone lilted with unfeeling laughter, "have fun, you crazy kids!"

"you both as well!" she giggled back, the sharp clack of her short heels against the floor audible even with the distance.

"ah, raito?" i swung myself to the other side of the doorway, grinning

ightly at him while gripping the frame tightly to keep my hands from shaking, "would you be able to go over some equations with me? i think i have them correct, but my teacher only

iefed over it, so i'm afraid i misunderstood something."

"i'm slightly busy with my own work, sayu," he smiled bashfully, eyes darting over his shoulder, "i'm sure you have them correct. your grades are as good as mine were when i was your age."

"please?" i playfully drew the word out, pout ready on my lips, "it wouldn't take long at all! besides, you've been so busy lately, i've barely seen you!"

a barely audible sigh hung from his lips, "i suppose i could take a

ief

eak to go over it with you. grab your homework and then come in my room."

"thank you!" i laughed, releasing the door frame only to dig my nails into my palms.

bounding down to the living room, i picked up the homework i had left there along with my calculator. staring down at the calculator for a moment, with strained hands i slid it in between the couch cushions. i straightened myself up and took a moment to compose myself. raito is a keen observer and would surely pick up on my nerves. i can't have that. with a cheerful smile on my face i nearly skipped up the stairs, bouncing into raito's room and flopping down on his bed with my papers and pencil clutched tightly to my chest.

"ready to have the best time of your life?" i teased him with a catty grin, wriggling my body on his bed to slouch against his pillow.

"as always." he replied blandly, making his way over. i make a show of setting my papers on my lap, widening my eyes before darting them to his direction while gnawing on the right corner of my lips.

he pauses and raises a tired

ow, "what is it, sayu?"

"you know how you're my favorite

other, right?" now both of his

ows were raised, eyes distinctly knowing.

"i'm your only

other; with that logic i'm simultaneously your least favorite. what do you want?"

"i may have left my calculator downstairs."

"go get it then."

"i may also be very comfortable."

we stared at each other for a few moments, my gaze hopeful and cheeky while his remained blank and resigned. he eventually let out another low sigh, already walking towards his door.

"fine then, you owe me." he called out from over his shoulder.

"i'll write it down on the list." i laughed. i could feel my pulse throughout my entire body, and my heartbeat seemed overwhelmingly loud.

waiting until i heard him at the bottom of the stairs, i walked to his desk with as much haste as i could while remaining quiet. my hands shook as i opened the desk drawer, thanking whatever may exist that the drawer slid out smoothly and quietly. i picked up the stacks of books, pulling out the death note from the second from the bottom. sitting down on the desk chair, my whole body shaking while i flipped it open.