3. The News (1/2)

hoo ha...i own. absolutly nothing!

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it had been two hours since calvin's informing about the camp and his subsequent passing out. he was carried up to his room, where he lay passed out for two hours, upon waking up and finding out he long he had passed out….. colorful words were used. now he was pacing back and forth in his room, ranting and raving. hobbes lay on the bed, on his belly, watching calvin pace, his tail flicking back and forth to calvin's motions.

"o have not been bad at all this year!" "oh okay sure maybe a couple of times, but i have always been good!" hobbes rolled his eyes. "what about the..?" "oh you know itwas moe that flooded the school with noodles!" "yeah after you started a noodle fight." "well other than that i was good all year." "but what about the time you set the gym on fire, or the time you vomited all over susie after eating too many ice cream sandwiches, which forced them to get banned from the cafeteria and the school itself and then moe and a bunch of other kids shoved a bunch of rocks up your..."

"okay so maybe i wasn't good all the time." "all of the time being the best words." "and i may have made a few mistakes." "try 4567,987,629" "you have been keeping track?" "i have a list longer than the woods." "have the list been around since the first day we meet?" "nope since the start of the school year." "how do you know all of that?" "you grip and complain all of it to me every day." "i do?" "yes you do." "huh." "you know the audience might not be able to tell who is talking here." "oh stop

eaking the fourth wall and get back to the plot!"

"okay geez." calvin said, as he pulled out the script then read it over, then put it back in his pocket. he cleared his throat. "ahem." "but that doesn't give them any reason to send me to a reform camp is it?" "actually yes it is." "oh be quiet!" calvin yelled enraged. "this is matter of life and death!" "do you know what they do tokids at those camps!?" calvin screamed. "no." replied hobbes. "well neither do i so let"sjust assume the worst shall we!?"

then calvin's bedroom door clicked open and mom, poked her head in. "calvin dinner will be ready in five minutes and stop all of that shouting." calvin grumbled."oh and by the way we have decided that to prepare you for the trip there will be no tv until you go,and no tv until a week after you come back."

calvin's pupils dilated and then his eye twitched. "well why don"t you just cut off my air suppley while your at it!?" mom, rolled her eyes and shut the door. "i can't believe this my own family is trying to kill me." "well it could be worse." "how so." "they could say you can't take me with you…not that i want to go." "yeah i guess you're right hobbes."

6 minutes later

"wadda you mean i can't take hobbes!?" calvin yelled, practically making some food fly off dad's plate and into his shirt. "calvin the camp rules state that you cannot have any negative influences at the camp, and hobbes is a negative influence." "he is not!" cried calvin. "oh really," asked mom.", because if i remember correctly from you he, "pounces" you, he "eats all of the tuna", which no matter how much you say you hate tuna always ends up getting eaten but not by me or your dad, andyou seem to blame everything on hobbes."

"i do not blamer evryhting on him..only stuff that he does." dad, glared at calvin. "he's a stuffed tiger calvin." "he is not stuffed he is alive and well." dad sighed. "calvin there is no argument you cannot take hobbes." calvin glared at them and they glared back. he could tell that this was a fight he could not win. he grumbled as he ate another piece of food.

dad, sat back. "well now it looks like we will have a quiet dinner in peace." calvin rolled his eyes. mom looked at dad. "oh and did you get the crochet, and volleyball stuff out of the yard like i asked?" calvin's mouth dropped. "yep and it's all locked away." replied dad. "what!?" calvin yelled, with a force so big that it shook the house. upstairs hobbes lay on the bed. if jumped a foot in the air. he grabbed the edges of it as the house shook. "earthquake!" he screamed. calvin's dad looked at him again.

"calvin that stuff is dangerous to leave out, i don't even want to know what you do with it out there" "but i need that stuff to play calvinball!" "well this calvinball, will have to wait for a while, because your grounded from using that stuff until further notice for leaving it outside like that." calvin stared at them. "so is this camp like an anti fun camp or something?" "no." said mom. "it's to encourage good behavior in bad kids so that way they can do better in school" there was an awkward pause.

"so it's prison." calvin said. "that is it young man." said. "you can go up to your room and stay there for the rest of the night and no dessert for a week." calvin slid away from the table and grumbling, he went upstairs. he shoved open his bedroom door, shaking the room. "after hsock!" hobbes yelled and dove under calvin's desk. "it's just me you dummy." said calvin.

"so what happened to the earthquake?" "there was no earthquake, and calvin ball and g.r.o.s.s operations have been postponed." hobbes gasped. "what do you mean postponed?" "mom and dad said that the camp said that i should not be exposed to nay negative influences before i go to camp or after." "well why not?"

"because they say it's a bad thing for the kids to have influences from their lives. " "so we have a week to do what we want." " "yeah and dad said no running away to the yukon or somewhere this time.""we'll shoot." hobbes said. "so what now?" "calvin sighed." "i really don't know hobbes, i really don't know. "well we can't just sit around for a week can we?" "i mean come on calvin it's summer, your parents should at least let you go outside and have fun."

"nugatory on that one as well hobbes, the camp says no negative influences, and apparently me and mom are going to be doing fun activities to keep my

ains stimulated before i go to camp." "yikes, how bad are they?" "well mom gave me a sheet of questions about myself and then to see if my moral image is good or bad." "these sound like something michelle obama would pull out of her head." hobbes replied

"i don't care if she pulled it out of her rear end hobbes, mom says i have to do this, as if it wasn't bad enough, that i just got out of school, now i have to do activates with mom all day.. or at least for a couple hours or so." calvin, walked over to his desk, and sat then, then pulled out a pencil. hobbes, deciding to see whether or not this thing was as bad as calvin was putting it, walked over and then looked over his shoulder. both of them stared at the firstquestion.

what do you think about yourself

"yes, made by michelle obama" "quiet hobbes." calvin, thought about it for a little bit, then he putdown his answer.

i view myself as one of the greatest thing ever produced by mankind, and that i should be respected by all creatures and worshipped as the king of the world.

hobbes rolled his eyes as calvin finished his answer. "there that was easy; after all, i am the greatest thing ever." "sure you are." calvin looked back at hobbes, giving him a glare, and then went back to working on the paper. hobbes looked toward the reader, "this is a lot like the start of chapter one isn't it." he turned back to calvin to view the next question.

what do other people think of you

hobbes held back a grin, and then put his hand over his mouth trying to stifle a laugh. calvin stared at the paper, thinking for a second, he turned to hobbes. "hobbes?" hobbes, put his hand to his side, still trying to stifle a laugh. "yes calvin?" "what do you think about me?" hobbes pondered for a second, and then he looked at calvin again. "do you want the truth?" "yes hobbes.' "do you really want the truth?" "yes ""hmmm" "i think that you are a crazy hyperactive kid who might be part monkey." the glare that calvin gave hobbes made all of his laughs burst out. hobbes roared with laughter. he fell on the floor laughing. calving rumbled as he went back to work. he wrote down,

everyone respects me and they all love me and would never laugh at me.

he turned back to hobbes, who laughs were decreasing, but he was still on the floor laughing his head off. he looked up at calvin, wide eyed and grinning. calvin shot him another look, provoking another fit of giggles from the tiger. calvin sat and waited for hobbes to stop laughing. it took a couple of minutes, but by now, hobbes had stopped laughing. he sat up, holding his gut, which hurt so much from laughing. he wiped a couple of tears from his eyes as he looked at calvin. are you done yet?" hobbes asked." calvin grumbled and looked back at the paper, he then found himself staring at the next question.

are you sure that people think of you that way?"