16. Cold Caverns and Weird White Stuff (1/2)

Chapter

16: Cold Caverns and Weird White Stuff

A/N: To begin, let me sum up Chappie 15. I'm glad most of you liked it! *BIG sigh of

relief* =) That's what happens when you listen to "Shelob's Lair" while writing

TLoL. =) VERY scary putting a serious chapter in a humor fiction. BUT, I guess it went well. =) It probably

won't happen again soon though. Shadow

Temple is still 4 or so chapters away…hehehe. ;) Anyway, VERY many thanks to

ALL the reviewers! I know it always

sounds like, "Yeah, he says that all the time", but I REALLY mean it! =)

And special thanks to Kuradokian Princess, Skywalker05, Smea, "Bob",

LastSheikah (Your review was SO nice!

It made me feel better about that chappie.) =), Narquelie (Your review

was SO nice too! =) Thanks a bunch!), Cozzy, Winged Knight, Melissa Ocean,

JT_Slayer, SROA, Katie and all her friends, Nekomoongirl, Atagirl, and Daphnes

Nohanson Hyrule (I got a review from the King!

I'm so famous! ;) ). OK! Let us begin…CHAPTER 16, THE RETURN OF THE

HUMOR!!!…sorta. ;) Enjoy! =)

Link descended from the air, riding his blue shiny thingy,

and got outside the mountain.

Link: Whew!

Finally, I can take off this darn tunic!

Link replaced his Goron Tunic with his usual Kokiri one.

Link: Dodongo skin isn't very comfortable! It makes me itch!

Navi: It looks like you're allergic to it…

Link: AHH!!!

LITTLE RED SPOTS!!!!

Link and Navi reached the foot of the mountain. They noticed a large group of people there,

conversing among themselves but not seeming to care about keeping their voices

down.

Some Guy: It seems like the mountain's curse has been

lifted! Maybe the Hero has come?

Some Other Guy: It would seem so, but if it is true,

then we should see some changes around here.

Another Guy: And around the river! I've heard it's all frozen up!

Hey! It's A Girl:

I've heard that too. My sister lives up

near the river and she says it's been too cold to swim in lately.

Now a Guy: Well, if the Hero HAS come, then we should

soon see better times…maybe even the Evil King will be dethroned?

Some Lady: Shhh!

What if he hears you?

Navi: Did you hear that?

Link: What?

About the free cookies?

Over to their left…

Cookie Guy: FREE COOKIES!!!! Only 19.99 plus shipping and handling!!

Navi: NO!

Didn't you hear those people?

Link: No, they were speaking in some other language…

Navi: ARGHHHHH!!!!!!! The river!!! The river

needs to be saved!!!

Link: Well why didn't you say that earlier?

Navi (Monotonously): …You are really stupid, you know

that?

Link (Energetically): Yep! Now, TO THE RIVER!!!!!

(Fellowship Theme)

Link exited Kakariko Village and found his way to the

river. He began to follow the river

upstream.

Link: Follow the H2O-

Navi: NO!!!!!!!!!!!

(Pause)

Link: Follow the H2O no? That's not how it goes!

Navi: If you even start that irritating song, I swear

I'll throw you into that water!

Link: Why would you do that when you saved me from

the lava?

Navi: …that's…different. Now STOP!

Link: …fine.

So they continued up the river till they got to the waterfall. Link played the "cool song" and jumped into

the hole that lead to Zora's Domain.

Once there, he couldn't believe what he saw.

Link: WHOA!!!!

I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M SEEING!!!

The entire Domain was frozen solid, lake and waterfall

alike.

Link: Navi, what is that stuff?!?

Navi: WHAT???!!!???

Link: The blue stuff!

(Pause)

Navi: …YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ICE IS?!?!?!?

Link: Um…what's that?

Navi: ARGHHH!!!! You really need to get out

more…

Link: But…I am out…

Navi: Noooooooo…

Link ran up a path that brought him to the King Zora's

throne room. There, he found…

Link: WHOA!!!!!!

Frozen fat guy!!!

King Zora was frozen solid on his throne. He was still in the same position that he

was when Link last saw him seven years ago, giving Link the assumption that he

had not moved for seven years.

Link: Man, it must be hard to be fat if it prevents

you from moving for seven whole years…

Navi: That's it!

You're gonna stop insulting people and go to where you saw Jabu-Jabu!

Link: Awwww, do I have to?

Navi gave Link an evil stare.

Link: Okok!

I'm going!

Link ran down the path behind the throne, and got to a large

lake that he had seen seven years ago.

But it was different now. It was

the coldest place he had ever been in.

There were pieces of ice floating in the water, like little platforms

that could be crossed, and where the Zora deity, lord Jabu-Jabu, used to rest

was now a bunch of the ice slabs…no giant fish to be seen.

Link: See!?!

I knew that thing I killed was his heart! I told you!

Navi: Sure, whatever.

Link: I did!

Navi: Uh huh.

Link: Wow, it's cold here…

Navi: HEY!!!

Link: Ow…not the ear again…

Navi: See over there!?! I think that's a cavern!

Link (energetically): Ok!

Link ran over to where Jabu-Jabu used to rest, which was now

a sea of ice platforms. He jumped onto

one and could feel his feet freezing inside his boots. He jumped over to the next platform, and the

one after that. After many jumps he

finally reached the cave on the other side of the lake. The cave was filled with snow and ice, even

the walls and ceiling were engulfed in it.

At first it was a sight to behold…then,

Link: Wow…this looks cool!

Navi: LOOK OUT!!!

Link: Didn't I tell you to stop-AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

A boulder had crashed into Link which sent him flying into

the wall, and he was lost in snow as it fell down on top of him.

Link: Gefff mefff ouftff offffgh heffrfff!!!!

He popped his head back above the snow, and dug his way out.

Link: What is that stuff!?! It's all wet and cold!!!

Navi: Why me, WHY ME!!!

Link proceeded through the cave until he reached a room that

was cased in a blue ice. As he walked

in, three strange statues, made of ice, appeared in swirls of white, cold air.

Ice Statues: Buhahahaha!!!

The statues began to slide across the ice in strait lines.

Link: Um…ok…

Link just stood there and watched as the statues slid to his

right, one to his left, and another in front of him. They stopped.

Link: Ok…

Then they all simultaneously began to blow freezing breaths

towards Link.

Link: WHA?!?

AHHHH!!!!!! *ching!*

Link was frozen solid by the breath of the ice statues. After awhile the ice miraculously broke and

Link was free again.

Link: W-w-whoa…c-c-cold…

Ice Statues: Buhahahaha!

Link: S-s-shu-u-ut u-up!

Link swung the Master Sword vertically through the ice and

cut it perfectly in two, but somehow it was still moving around the ice.

Link: Wha?

He made a few swings at the statue and after another few

slices it shattered into dozens of little shards of ice. He did the same to the remainder of the

statues. After they were dealt with the

door ahead opened up.

Music: Du du da da du du duuuuuuu!!!

Link: YAY!!!

Link goes into the next room and sees a very scary sight.

Link: Wow.

Very scary.

A giant blade, made of ice, is spinning in circles in the

center of the room. Link kept to the

wall and found two exits: one blocked by an ice wall, and another, by

bars. He noticed something else in the

room. There are many silver rupees all

scattered about the room. He runs

around, trying to collect them, while dodging the giant ice blade in the middle

of the room. He gets two of the gems

before he runs into a bit of trouble.