2. Context (2/2)

like that was even an issue. she had the capacity to turn him on seconds even when she was fifteen and had ridiculous red hair. with jude there was never that sense that she was deliberately playing him. she didn't know enough about her own sexuality to know even how hot she was half the time – she could walk into a room with blonde hair that she did herself and still blow him away. take the evening they recorded white lines and she told said, "it's about you." he would never forget the electricity which passed between them when she told him that this heart-wrenching song was for him. he felt like every hair stood up on his body.

he hit the last few buttons on the computer and the full track of "ultraviolet" came over the speakers. he smiled to himself, the track was slowly coming together.

taking jude's virginity was a big deal. he remembered talking to her about her first kiss, telling her how to know if it meant something. "…a real kiss it isn't in the lips, it's in the heart. and if yours isn't in this one with shay then it doesn't count." despite what happened yesterday he knew that her heart would be in having sex with him, it would count. and he wanted it to be special, because in his own way he had waited for her too.

he wanted it to be romantic, and about the two of them. he remembered vividly the first time he worked with her on a song, she challenged him, listened to him and wrote a song with lyrics better then he could ever come up with. when they wrote music it was this total collaboration, it was like they shared the same resonance. and he wanted sex with her to be like that. he wanted it to be as honest as it was when they made music.

a knock on the door woke tommy of his deep thought, "can i clean the room?" the middle-aged night cleaning lady asked politely. tommy glanced at his watch - it was well past 8. "i better go anyways…", he answered, grabbing his things from the booth, shoving papers and his computer all into his bag and grabbing the red liquorice.

on his way out he bit down on the candy and asked himself what kind of advice ms mccally would give him. he could hear her sharp but calm voice already in his head, telling him what kwest had said earlier this evening. he needed to tell jude he cared and say more then just the cop outs he normally used, like what he said to jude when she asked why he and sadie hadn't worked out, you know exactly why." jude had asked him today for the list because she wanted to know where she fit in his life. and if he was going to be truly honest with her, he realised that he needed not to just give her the list but tell her how he felt.

he needed to tell her that she was more then enough. that he loved her.

it was all about a little context.

as he entered the warehouse and saw her strumming on her guitar he was stuck by how beautiful she was.

he had snapped at her today not because it was a question of whether she was ready to have sex with him. it was a question of whether he was ready to have sex with her. she had chosen him and he was going to have to live up to the expectations that it

ought with it. and not just about sex, but about being a boyfriend who deserved to be with her. a boyfriend who recognised that for all her musical strength, she was nervous about having sex for the first time. nervous just like he was; that she wasn't who he wanted.

and now he had to tell her that she couldn't be more wrong.