1. Chapter 1 (1/2)
ship: triss/lambert (witcher iii: the wild hunt)
author's note: triss/lambert. lambert can be such a jerk, especially towards triss. i have a feeling he's jealous of geralt and that he actually really likes triss. this is my take on the possibility that something happened between triss and lambert before they meet again during the wild hunt. i highly recommend listening to "somewhere" by anneke van giersbergen (look it up on youtube). it was the fuel to this ficlet. not sure yet if this will be standalone or not... please read and review and let me know what you think. – g.g.
published: 21 july 2015
somewhere
by g.g. halcyon
"lambert."
"merrigold." he greeted her curtly and turned his attention back to the scene in front of him. he came up here alone, to reflect on his life and prepare himself mentally for the battle. he thought no one would think of venturing to this part of kaer morhen. vesemer had made it clear that the left tower was still in need of repair after its stairs had eroded from years of wear and elements. he didn't expect anyone to venture up here against vesemer's warning, and was surprised that of the massiveness of kaer morhen, the redheaded mage had chosen this one.
"why are you up here?" he asked her.
she came close to him and settled beside him, resting her hands against the old worn out ledge of rocks. he felt her eyes studying him, but he made it a point not to meet them. he really didn't want her to be so close to her right now, and be alone together. being near her only
ought back feelings he had worked so hard to suppress, and he didn't want to think about the past and what could have been.
"i didn't think anyone would be up here," she said to him. "i wanted to get away from everyone…and think about all that has happened. i thought you would head vesemer's warnings like the others."
"you'd rather be up here than spending your possible last days with geralt?" the words came out more bitingly than he expected. he could see her flinch beside him, before averting her gaze away from him. they were both aware of exactly what he meant.
"there's nothing going on between geralt and i," she said to him, doing her best not to show any emotion or to sound as if it had bothered her. she met his gaze; caught the surprise in his face before he surpressed it with his usual stoic expression.
"i thought you'd know that," she said, returning her sight to the mountains before them and the orange and red sky. she had a faraway expression on her face, her pink lips in a thin line, and her
ows furrowed. "he's probably with yennefer," she said quietly, more of a self-proclamation about the reality that had blatantly struck her the moment she arrived at kaer morhen that day.
"and you're not bothered by that?" he asked, his eyes studying her profile. the glow of the setting sun reflected against her blazing red hair, which she surprisingly had worn in long loose waves, cascading past her shoulders.
"why should i be? geralt and i…he never really loved me, it's been over for several months. he always belonged to her," triss said, her voice sounding unaffected.
"is that what you tell yourself? how you explain what happened between us?"
he looked at her and met her gaze. he needed to talk about this; he needed to find his closure. if he was to die soon he wanted to do so with a clear conscience and with the answers to the questions that had long been bugging him all these months.
triss couldn't help but look into lambert's intense gaze. his
ows furrowed in thought, his lips in a thin line. he wanted to talk to her about their past, she could tell, and she also knew that doing so was always something that he found very hard to do. this was an uncomfortable territory for both of them, and yet she thought that since they were now together, it was time they laid it all out on the table.
"lambert…" she took a deep
eath, "what happened between us that night…"
"don't say you're sorry about it. i'm not," he told her, turning to her fully. he stood inches taller than her, and they were very close. she looked up at him, her eyes wide and glistening, and he could tell she was trying to formulate the right words to say. she didn't have to.
"listen," he told her, "that night, i wanted to spend it with you. hell! i planned it. i wanted what geralt had—the redheaded mage who cared more about taking care of others than her own self, and so forgiving when it came to the people she loved."
"lambert…" she whispered
" i was angry, jealous even, that after all that he had done to you, and even after all those women he slept with, you were willing to forgive him and take him back. so that night when like a fool, he went off again to leave you, and i knew damn well where he was heading, i decided to see you. i knew you'd be upset and that you needed the company."
he shook his head and let out a huff. "see, that's the kind of man i am. i took advantage of you in your weak time."
triss closed the gap between them and placed a gentle hand on his left shoulder. she could feel his release his tenseness and unfold his hands which he had balled into a fist besides him. she knew lambert for many years, and was surprise that all this time he had blamed himself for what they shared.
"it wasn't your fault, lambert," she told him, "yes, i was upset that night, but i wanted what transpired. you took care of me, kept me company, and made me feel like a woman who deserved more…better… and just as we shared our bed, you left me so a
uptly, and so coldly."
the memory of her alone in her room and welcoming lambert in when he saw her crying flashed in her mind. she remembered his kind words, consoling her, telling her she deserved better. she also remembered the gentle caress and touches they shared. she remembered watching him leave her moments after their time together with no explanation, but a guilty expression on his face. they were memories she had tried not to resurface every time she would encounter lambert, and he'd act as if she was the last person he'd want to see.
"what could have happened if i stayed in your bed that night? we'd talk? you'd realize that maybe i could be a better choice?" he laughed out loud, a crass laugh, before turning away to face the scene before them. triss' s hands fell to her side, and he caught a glimpse of the disappointment there. "you would have left geralt?"
"i don't know what could have happened; you didn't give me a chance to speak to you…"
"and like a great friend to geralt, i ended up looking at him in the eyes and keeping a lie once i realize you never did confess to him your infidelity. "
she forced him to turn to her, her eyes burning with anger at his remark. "maybe i realized that i did not give a damn about geralt and his infidelity! maybe that night i decided that i did in fact deserved better!" she pointed at him, "you don't even know half of what happened days after you left! i ended it with geralt because i realized that i could never, ever, live up to being her. i never had his heart, ever, no matter what!"
"merrigold…"
"triss!" she snapped at him before letting him go and turning around to head down the stairs to leave. why did she think this was going to be any different? why did she even believe that maybe that gods had somehow made it so that they'd meet that night to talk, to find closure, maybe be friends once more or be in good terms like they were so many years ago? she felt like a fool.
as she made her way down the stairs, she was stopped by a gentle
ush to her shoulder. he had stopped her. triss didn't turn around, but remained standing in place, her head held high as she bit away her tears. she stood resolute that he wouldn't see her crumble.
"why did i think that this would be any different? that you'd …" triss shook her head, "it doesn't matter. i'll see you around, lambert." she said and made a move to continue down the stairs.
"triss," he called out to here, "please stay."
lambert didn't want what could be their last night together end so horribly. he knew he wasn't the easiest of men to deal with, and he was horrible when came to expressing anything of feelings of sentiment. he was always a man of few words. an unpleasantness tugged in his chest as triss had planned to bare farewell, without even looking at him and with her back turned to him.
triss didn't make a move, but remained still where she was. he wondered what was going through her mind, and how he could somehow fix whatever it was between them.
lambert couldn't take it any longer and took three long strides to her form. with gentle hands he touched her back and turned her over to face him. she looked up at his towering form. her eyes glistened with unshed tears she was determined to hold back. triss was a woman who made it a point to show her strength, and hide her weakness, especially if it was her hurt emotion that she wanted to hide. yet, he knew triss very well, and knew that her eyes often showed her emotions, and he saw in them the pain he'd caused her.