1. Chapter 1 (1/2)

i ran into a pole

one of these days i will really kick his ass and he'll be sorry.

the road towards the village was bumpy but nicolette didn't mind as she guided the truck towards her destination while coming up with a thousand and one things to say to the subject of her ire and worry. she was angry because he hadn't come back and she was worried because he hadn't come back and she hadn't been able to find him in the usual places. so the unusual or the last place in this part of the world was up.

they were supposed to be leaving for their final training run that day. they were going to be dropped off in the middle of nowhere and they had to hike it back with a day's worth of rations a piece. it was just like what her friend john "soap" mactavish went through when he went through selection. he was actually agreeable to it and teased her about him being able to outlast her and that he looked forward to seeing her survive on a day's rations. it was a graduation run of sorts since their six months was up and he was heading back to birmingham or hereford or wherever.

that day though it was like he disappeared. he didn't show up for a quick meal or anything. his room was neat except for the fact that she found the bed not so neatly made. that was unusual since he was meticulous about the whole military style thing with his gear. she was frugal herself but her idea of neatness was different from his and just seeing that… she sensed something was off. being the friend she was, she considered that maybe it was a mental prep thing he was doing and he was out with last minute training.

she checked everywhere possible at the facility that was on loan to her from the company and didn't find a thing except the people that maintained the grounds. she didn't even find him at the shooting range, which was a favorite spot of theirs since mactavish spent quite a bit of his free time improving her aim and turning her into a decent sniper shot. nothing there. the only other thing was that he took a long run and lost track of time.

it wasn't much to pull out the truck that they had used to go to the village a couple of times. mostly it was for supply runs and just to take a day completely off. if mactavish had gone in the direction of the village then she could catch him on the way back and maybe offer a lift back. it was in her mind to taunt him by making him try to catch her in the truck. he had pulled that one on her once or twice. as it got darker and no sign of mactavish where she anticipated he might be, she grew concerned. the village was nice and friendly but there were a few that had tried to cause trouble and they had a couple of narrow escapes with that.

she became worried that she might end up finding mactavish in a ditch or strewn across the road if he had been outnumbered and he was scrappy in a fight. he actually laughed at her use of that word since he didn't think that applied to him but to her. of course she said that she was overall awesome since this training thing was her idea and it worked and he merely scowled saying that she was a bossy nag who knew how to interrupt a good night's worth of sleep and

eaking and entering. that was nothing as her concern grew as she bounced along the road.

the village was a moderate sized one and there were a few places to hang out in. there were also places just to be in and

owse in terms of businesses though she thought the idea of finding mactavish in the milliner's shop hilarious… unless it was to get a knit beanie to cover his head and new look with the mohawk. she teased him and said he was third world ugly with it but personally she liked it and it went well with the stubble that just didn't go away no matter how many times he shaved. she admitted that he was cute scruffy with his five o'clock shadow and that had him scowling but it was spoiled by his cheeky grin and he teased her about her own hair.

after eliminating the unlikely and possible suspects, she came to the one place that had her get a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. there was only one reason to come here aside from the sports games that played on the mounted big screens. glad that she wasn't dressed to impress and looked more like she was going for a nature walk, she took a

eath and entered the pub. immediately the smells of alcohol and smoke hit her nostrils as she looked around from her spot at the entrance, looking for what she was seeking.

finding it, she heaved a quiet sigh and walked deeper into the pub. there was nothing wrong with the place. they did have good sandwiches and the proprietor was friendly with her. he had the hobby of computer games on the side and he was forever asking her about ram and bits and bytes. she was happy to oblige then and still was but now her attention was to the figure huddled over the bar in a far corner. at least he was taking it private.

slowly nicolette approached the figure and gently tapped/punched his shoulder and said, "a little early for cele

ating isn't it? we haven't even gone on our trip yet." she leaned against the bar and peered around to get a good look.

mactavish was drunk but he was a functional drunk up until a point. he looked at nicolette and said, "don't feel like it nico. i'm cele

ating."

nicolette looked at mactavish with a bland expression and asked gently, "what are you cele

ating then? cause it sure as hell isn't for the six month anniversary." her tone held a slight sarcastic edge to it.

mactavish eyed her blearily and held the shot of whiskey in his left. he tapped the bar to indicate a round for her and said, "i'm cele

ating my mates. they still haven't forgiven me."

nicolette let the shot be poured. there was no need to indicate no. she wasn't intending on drinking anyway. she studied mactavish as he looked at her expectantly. she picked up the shot with the same bland expression and held it up. mactavish clinked his glass to hers and downed his shot. she didn't and put it back down on the counter; he wouldn't notice anyway and he didn't saying, "good men and i'm stuck here."

nicolette understood where this was coming from. it fit together with his not perfectly made bed, the disappearing all day and the drunkenness… he had a nightmare about the

idge again. she asked, "on the

idge again?"

"aye," mactavish replied. he attempted to sit up but he was a bit wobbly. he had the presence of mind to grip the edge of the bar to steady himself. "we were all there. i wasn't hurt and every one of those chaps was."

nicolette softened her expression. the last time she had seen him like this was well… he wasn't drunk but he was depressed. they called it survivor's guilt and he was suffering from it pretty badly. he had been going through it when he started on his pt routine and it was part of the reason why she

ought him out here. she couldn't make it go away but at least give him the chance to work with it and away from an environment that seemed to be making him miserable. she said quietly, "you were hurt soap. they said you might not make it."

"and they asked why i did," mactavish said as if it were a logical conversation. he took her shot and downed it. he started muttering and ended up in a fairly good imitation of price saying, "how'd a muppet like you get to live and the rest of us die?" he looked at nicolette and asked her, "you know the answer to that one nico? you bloody well know everything else and yer probably waiting to tell me to piss off."

"why would i do that?"

"don't be a bloody schoolgirl, nico. that bloke griggs liked you and you were getting friendly with him."

for the love of pete, i told you there was nothing about that. nicolette tried not to get upset. mactavish was already upset enough since he was forcing himself down memory lane and his own mind was taking him to places of accusation. she wasn't a shrink but she knew well enough that there were tons of triggers that could set off something like this. she had to figure it out. "soap, i told you griggs was my

other's friend. you're mine."

"then why are you leaving?"

it dawned on nicolette that mactavish's mind may have twisted the fact that the 'graduation run' was the end. he assumed that they would be going their separate ways and he would be alone. it was an effective trigger and she didn't even want to know what else went on in his head during that nightmare. she replied, "i'm not going anywhere but i think we better get back. you're lucky that the heli pilot has a good sense of humor." she made a move to put her hand in the crook of his elbow.

"i'm not finished," mactavish murmured. he called for another drink.

nicolette sighed but still held onto his elbow. slowly she let go and looked around. finally she tapped his shoulder to get his attention, "okay one more but then we go."

"bossy nag."

"stubborn prat," she muttered. she decided to make herself comfortable since mactavish decided that he was going to take his time with the last drink. even when drunk he could be a sly bastard when he wanted to. "you get the cold shower when we get back."

"make me."

nicolette couldn't help but chuckle at that. drunk or sober, mactavish liked a good verbal fight and was forever trying to goad her into a sparring match. she humored him on occasion but for the most part made him frustrated and he kept coming back for more. she wondered why considering he did say she was a pain in the ass one too many times to count. she traced the wood grains of the bar as she let him have a last drink.

"hey there love. are you looking for some fun?"

nicolette smelled the alcohol

eath and bad body odor and recognized the voice. it was a fine time to be here. she turned to look at the two men that were looking at her. that was just perfect. she replied, "no thank you. i'm enjoying myself with my friend here."

"that drunken bastard? looks like he can't even give you a good time."

nicolette stared at the pair with a look that didn't really give an expression but it had scared away plenty. she replied in a polite voice, "please just leave us alone. we are fine."

the drunk closest to her, grabbed her arm and said angrily, "i asked you for some fun. you think you're too good for it? you want that

oken drunk there who gets his ass beaten by a girl?"

mactavish was slowly getting roused up and he turned to look at the two there. he said, "you don't have a clue wanker."

nicolette watched and tried not to sigh in exasperation. now was not the time to get into a name calling session. the drunk holding to her said, "and you do? no mate. you're gonna sit back down and let us have well deserved fun… like when you let them down."

mactavish stood up suddenly, "you don't know anything! you don't know shite!"

"oh tough guy. lemme guess," the one closest to mactavish touched his dog tags that had been hanging on the outside. normally he had them tucked into his shirt but given what kind of a day he was having, they were out and the wanker in front of him was fingering them and taunting him, "washout. couldn't prove you're a m…"

"stop it," nicolette warned. that was not a place to go, not with the way mactavish was at the moment. it was a sensitive subject and even she understood there were certain boundaries you didn't cross.

"it's fine nico," mactavish said as he stood up. "this pillock doesn't know what it's like to run a 5k, pit run with live ammo and survive on a day's rations. the bugger has never been close enough to kiss a hind firing at them. he knows shite." he was wobbling on his feet a little.

"then why are you here as a sodding drunk? let your mates die?" it came out as a sneer and exactly as intended.

"hey!" nicolette's teeth were gritted. she tried to wrest her arm away from the drunken bastard.

"oh you gonna let the girl fight for you?"

nicolette managed to get her arm free and moved to start ushering mactavish out. she said, "he's not gonna fight. we're leaving." she started pushing mactavish towards the door, pushing against his chest as he took a couple of teetering backwards steps. "please, john," she muttered.

it seemed to work and mactavish turned to leave. it would have been a great escape but the drunkard who had been insulting him said, "go on. it's not like you could get much out of that slut."

everyone in the pub was trying to mind their own business but it was uncharacteristically quiet; they were watching. nicolette felt her cheeks grow hot but she was determined to not let this get out of hand. she held onto mactavish but he

ushed her off and marched right back and demanded, "what did ya say wanker?"

"you heard me. can't get much out of a whore."

mactavish went with his impulse and gave a slight nod before he threw a punch that caught the guy across the jaw. he stared at the fallen drunk and said, "don't talk like that about her."

nicolette had blinked in surprise at the movement mactavish did. she was grateful but now she needed to get him out before it got worse. she had walked up saying it was okay and that they needed to go and ended up walking into a punch from the drunk's partner. she hit the ground after knocking a table over and the glasses on it shattered.

mactavish retaliated and punched that guy with an equally hard punch. he was tackled from behind by the other blighter and rammed into the bar. it didn't stop him though since he elbowed the guy. it allowed him to pull the guy forward and slam his face into the bar a couple of times before punching him. as he turned though he got a punch to the face and was knocked down.

nicolette had gotten to her feet after getting hit. she watched mactavish slam the guy into the bar and then get punched by the other. mactavish got a kick to the ribs when she sprung forward and shoved the bastard aside. that didn't make him stop. he took a swing at her and she dodged it. he tried a couple of other punches and she blocked them before giving a kick to the groin that had him bent over. she then shoved him over.

she would have been hit by the other guy but mactavish was up and he grabbed the guy and said, "that's not nice. now apologize."

"go to bloody hell."

mactavish growled, "already been there." he pulled the drunk over his knee hard and