8. The Change of Heart (1/2)

chapter viii

julia, in a complete spirit of bathsheba, started galloping through the fields and woods, looking just like a heroine from books with her long red wavy hair drifting in the air and her crimson cheeks burning from emotions and… happiness. yes, she finally felt free, free! she was surprised that she wasn't sad or even furious about how troy behaved, instead she felt as if her life came back to her while giving her twice as much energy than ever before.

lots and lots of thoughts were tumbling across her mind. she started thinking: how, in heaven's name, could she ever be in love with troy rogers? only then she realized that actually she never truly loved him, not in the way the woman should love a man who gave her an engagement ring… the ring! she gasped and quickly put her hand on her neck, finding the diamond circle on the thin string lying on her neck underneath the red scarf covering it.

she pulled river's rein making him to slow down. she took off the ring slowly and started turning it around in her hand, looking at it curiously, and she relized that she never even looked at it since troy died. she actually forgot about it!

"well then…" she whispered to herself "farewell troy!" she said louder and threw the ring as far away as the strength in her arm would allow her. julia sighed with relief and felt as light as never before, even with war going on in the world and merry with jake somewhere in iceland and gilly fighting in london… she felt divinely peaceful.

she didn't feel any regret anymore, not when she realised that troy was never the one for her. she couldn't possibly feel angry at him either, how could she be when troy was dead? julia thought about his cathy, and felt sorry for her, which surprised her. she wondered whether cathy even knew that troy was killed, or whether she will ever know. but julia didn't think about her for long, she couldn't. she was radiating with the feeling of freedom.

she looked up and started gazing at the view in front of her. she was on the field covered with glossy grass which looked like perfect 'green' waves when the wind touched it. the shore was just behind the fields and the seagulls' song, mixed with the sea-

eeze, was filling up the air around her. she sighed happily and laid down on river, closing her eyes.

how is it to be in love, but truly in love? she questioned herself it seems as if all my hopes for knowing the man i will marry the minute i see him vanished completely. i wish i knew it, like mum and dad did, but then there's grandmother and grandad blythe's story… she chuckled remembering the jolly evening when her grandmother told her grandchildren the story how she and her husband met and later fell in love.

even troy knew… she went on with her thoughts he knew just after a few letters with this cathy-girl that she is the one for him, and… even blythe knows how it is to be in love… she stopped thinking and opened her eyes quickly. why was her heart beating so fast now? what was wrong with her? why at the very thought of the name "blythe" would make her feel thousands of butterflies in her stomach? she never felt like this before… how very strange! she thought. and then… the sudden realisation hit her just as if she suddenly bumped into a stranger on the street by accident and realised that it was no stranger at all.

"oh my god!" she murmured outloud, sitting straight back "that can't be true!" julia put her hands on her cheeks and started

eathing heavily.

she was in love with blythe! she always was! always! she realized why she didn't feel this way before: there was always troy or thoughts about troy on her mind that would cover this feeling which was in julia's heart forever. only then she felt that she always knew how it is to be in love. julia's memories started fighting with each other in her mind. she thought about all the merry times in their childhood, when blythe used to watch julia and all the other boys play in 'indians' and 'soldiers', and when she was getting bored taking her hand and running together to the seaside or inside the forest, singing together. when they were always holding hands when there was a "scary-story-night" in rainbow valley when they were a bit older. how blythe started writing poems and throw rocks on julia's room's window to recite his new one for her. when julia started thinking about taking a course in nursing and the two of them talking about it as long as she needed to. when she left a soft kiss on his cheek on her fifteenth birthday party, and when she went to toronto college and blythe to redmond and how they were sending endless letters to each other. and eventually the moment on the last christmas day when blythe kissed her on the lips, and she felt so boiling and so different in that moment.

and he loves me! she almost shouted why, this must be the most beautiful dream i ever had in my whole life! she thought to herself with an enourmous smile covering her lips. she was so sure that blythe still loved her because every time she would look in his grey-eyes since the christmas day, she would see the passion she once thought she had in her own eyes for troy.

"come on, river! take me to the house of dreams!" she shouted and river knew exactly what to do. river neighed happily and started galloping through the woods again, and it seemed to julia as if he never galloped so fast before.

rilla ford was doing gardenening when she heard the sound of river's hooves coming nearer and nearer to the house of dreams. she thought that it can't possibly be julia, she didn't ride on river since… she didn't even remember since when. but then she saw julia's graceful posture sitting on the black horse's back with her hair on her shoulders and fiery cheeks and she knew by then that bathsheba is back.

"aunt rilla!" julia shouted and jumped from river's back heading towards rilla who stood up slowly and smiled at her niece.

"jem's-girl!" she said in the way she always used to call julia "what

ings you here?" she asked kindly.

"is blythe at home? i would like to speak to him." julia said looking behind rilla at the window of blythe's bedroom in the east side of the house.

"no, he just went out with cornelia; to a dance." she answered emphasising the word 'dance' as if it was a sin.

"oh…" julia managed to say and her face changed slightly, although rilla didn't notice it "aunt rilla, are all these gossips about blythe and cornelia true then?" she asked slowly, looking in her aunt's eyes fearfully.

"yes, they are." rilla answered half-sighing "blythe doesn't speak of cornelia very often but they do spend a lot of time together lately, probably because cornelia is always bored." she chuckled quietly.

"but are they in love, do you think?" julia said in a voice which wasn't her own.

"cornelia is head over heels about blythe and he is… well… very much interested in her. yesterday, i witnessed them kissing when cornelia was saying her goodbyes to him, you know." she said and winked to her niece knowingly.

julia's eyes got even darker than they naturally were. she thought as if her heart stopped beating and as if the whole world around her was whirling around her. but bathsheba's eyes still had hope in them and the sparkle of its own and so she said in a strong voice: "good for them." she responded quickly "it seems that some people are more lucky than others when it comes to love."

aunt rilla didn't quite understand the meaning of what julia just said to her but then she remembered what leslie told her about when she got home one hour earlier. rilla nodded in agreement "oh, yes… i heard about the troy's letter you got today." she said, shaking her head.

"leslie told you?" julia asked and even grinned, although quite bitterly.

"yes, she did. but you're alright, aren't you?" she asked worryingly.

"of course i am." julia said in a decided tone and allowed her aunt to kiss her cheeks.

"if you ever need to talk, you know i'm always here for you, jem's-girl?" she said to her and raised her

ow maningfully.

"yes, dearest auntie." julia replied and smiled sadly. she then turned around and jumped on river's back again and put his rein in her hands "i'll see you at the dinner on sunday." she said.

"i'll see you there." rilla answered sweetly "do you want me to tell blythe that you came?" she asked suddenly.

"um… no, you don't have to." julia said plainly "goodbye, aunt rilla!" she said and pulled river's rein.

"i'll see you soon!" rilla shouted, looking at julia's back which soon disappeared behind the trees.

"you're home at last, my darling!" faith said when julia came into the living room while taking off her red scarf from her neck. julia looked at her mother and just couldn't help but to go to her and put her arms around her shoulders.

"what is it, dearest?" faith asked in a concerned tone while stroking her daughter's tangled hair.

"oh, mum!" she said

eathlessly feeling how tears start to go up to her eyes "why am i so foolish? why? why didn't i allow myself to feel it earlier? why?" she said and sat down on the sofa in the living room.

faith exchanged looks with her husband and both of them sat down with their daughter on the sofa "tell us, dear one, what happend?" faith asked once again. julia took a deep

eath and told her parents and walt, who was sitting on his chair near the fireplace listening as well about what happened when julia went riding. she was so relieved that she had a family like this, that she could always tell them about everything whenever she needed to tell it to someone. the whole story went out of her mouth like the river of words which were jumping in her head for the whole time. her parents and her

other listened carefully to her every word while nodding their heads and feeling truly sorry for their julia. thank goodness cee is asleep. my story would sadden her sensitive soul. julia thought to herself remembering that cee was always the first person in their house whenever someone needed to talk.

julia eventually finished talking and looked at her listeners with trembling hands.