1. Introduction: Toby Gets Rabies (2/2)

he's the reason for my headaches;

he has caused every migraine.

as he's always the main

cause of evil and pain,

and there's nothing to gain

from this beast gone insane.

who could help but complain

as they look with disdain

at the plague of pinchin lane?!

when i finished my song, toby glared. "cat, if i didn't know any better, i'd think you were singing about me!"

"very clever, sleuth!" i complimented sarcastically.

"that wasn't funny."

"i found it hilarious."

he continued to glare.

"look, dog. i know you're trying to get to sleep, so i'll make up for the musical joke with a nice bedtime story." i considered what story to tell him. "today as i was walking through the alley, i saw a dog. he had a sort of foam around his mouth, and he acted as if rage had driven him insane."

toby's eyes widened. "rabies!"

"a horrible disease!" i commented. "the lingering agony is dreadful! just imagine the torment of excruciating convulsions of the entire body for days or even weeks before your

ain finally suffers a stroke and ends your misery!"

he shuddered.

"not to worry." i smirked and began rubbing against him in that special manner we cats have. "although it is possible and has happened before, cats usually don't get rabies. however, a perfectly healthy cat can easily transmit the rabies virus to other animals, such as dogs."

i thought toby was going to have a heart attack. he sprang to his feet and hid under the nearest chair in less time than it takes to tell about it. i'd never seen him move so fast. meanwhile, he was whimpering like he was being mauled by the baskerville hound.

hearing the sound of human footsteps approaching, i pretended to be asleep. usually, the humans weren't too happy about their pets waking them up in the middle of the night. the footsteps stopped in the middle of the living room, but i didn't hear a voice, so i knew it was mr. holmes. he always liked to see if he could figure out the problem before ordering us to go back to sleep.

"what's come over you, toby?!" mr. holmes demanded. "cats have a rather acute sense of hearing, yet mrs. hudson's companion appears not to be alarmed. therefore, one must conclude there is nothing in this room that could have caused your anxiety, nor does there appear to be any suspicious activity outside."

although he was a man of extraordinary intelligence, mr. holmes lacked the knowledge to understand the conversation of other species. there was no way toby could explain the situation, so the human returned to his room, still puzzled about why the dog seemed frightened while i was nonchalantly sleeping.

i loved it. there were very few individuals who could boast of outwitting mr. holmes, yet i had just baffled him.

when the flat was quiet again, i finally succumbed to the fit of laughter i'd been hiding.

"what's so funny?!" toby queried.

gasping for

eath, i asked him if he knew the meaning of the phrase "work of fiction."

"you didn't really see a rabid dog, did you?"

i shook my head. "you should have seen your eyes!" i started laughing again. "let me tell you about this human by the name of louis pasteur. over ten years ago, he…" i was laughing too hard to finish my sentence.

the dog snarled. "cat, i am going to kill you!"

"for once, i'd probably deserve it," i answered.

he sighed. "i'm going to sleep now. good night."

"good night," i responded. "tomorrow's story is about distemper."

toby rolled his eyes. "felicia, you're more evil than…!"

"even you," i finished. "you've pulled some pretty good jokes too. besides, you can't blame me for having a mischievous streak. you have to remember who raised me. i might have been different if ratigan hadn't been a criminal."

"if ratigan hadn't been a criminal," he repeated. "now that would be a good story!"

"i'll see if i can find time to tell it tomorrow."